Page 77 of His Secret Wish

Owen had felt so betrayed and abandoned by his brother that he’d let it fuel his anger and resentment for years. Years where he could have used his big brother’s advice, where he could have leaned on his best friend. It had completely been a cut-off-your-nose-to-spite-your-face situation, although it was more like he’d ripped off his nose and then stomped it into the ground so it was unfixable.

At least Mason was trying. Which was way more than Owen had ever done. Fuck, he was such an asshole.

“Hey.” Owen plowed his hand through his hair. His fingers felt gritty and dirty. He couldn’t wait to take a shower. “I heard Simon and Noelle got married this weekend. Sorry I missed it.”

Mason stepped forward. “Yeah, you kind of disappeared on everyone there. We were worried about you.”

Owen rubbed his hand down his face. “I told Mama I was going out of town for a bit. Didn’t think it was that big a deal.” He really didn’t want to do this now, but it didn’t look like he was going to have much choice. Not unless he wanted to come to blows with Mason. Again.

“Yeah, Mama said as much, but she was still worried.” There was an accusatory thread underlying Mason’s words. “We all were.”

Annoyance sparked to life inside him. Fuck, this was not how he’d expected tonight to go, and he was not happy about it. He loved his family, but sometimes, they were so fucking annoying. “I am a grown man, you know.”

Mason took another step forward, stopping right in front of him. They were almost the same height, so they were able to look each other in the eye with no effort. They also had the same dark hair, same blue eyes. People sometimes took them for twins, they were so alike. Owen didn’t see it.

Owen sighed. “What the fuck do you want me to say here, Mason? What will make this third degree stop?” The anger in his voice didn’t go unnoticed. Mason raised an eyebrow at him. Owen wanted to rip it right off his stupid face.

And then Mason’s expression changed, softened somehow. “Everyone is just worried about you. We can all see you’re suffering, hurting. We only want to help.”

“I don’t need any help. I’m doing fine.”

“Owen, please—“

“No, you don’t get to waltz in here with your happy marriage and your bright future and tell me what I do and don’t need. So why don’t you just fuck off and go and bother someone else?” He pushed past Mason, hitting him with his shoulder on the way by.

Mason grabbed his arm. Owen clenched his fist, ready to turn around and clock his brother right in the face. But that would mean he’d have Grace and Mama on his ass, and although it would be incredibly satisfying, it wouldn’t be worth it in the long run. He unclenched his fist, counted to five, and then turned.

“Where were you this weekend, Owen?” There was a quiet insistence in the question, a terrible thread of understanding.

Owen yanked his arm out of Mason’s grasp. “None of your fucking business.”

“Owen?”

“Fine. You want to know where I was? I was in Truckee with Izzy and her family. It was her Yaya’s birthday, and she asked me to go and pretend we were still together since most of her extended family didn’t know about us being separated. There, are you happy?” His voice grew in volume throughout the tirade until he was practically yelling.

“That must have been hard.” Mason’s voice was steady and even. It was infuriating.

“Yeah, it was. It was really fucking hard.” The wind had been knocked out of his sails, and he dropped his shoulders. “I didn’t think it would be that hard.” The confession slipped out before he could stop it.

The look Mason gave him pissed him off, but also smashed through the numbness, making him ache again. He couldn’t do this. Didn’t want to do this. He wasn’t the type of guy that spilled his guts to anyone. He just endured whatever he needed to endure, and moved on. Pushed everything aside so it wouldn’t cloud his judgment, affect his day-to-day life. It was what a man did.

That’s Dad talking and you know deep down it’s bullshit. It’s also why your relationship with Izzy crumbled. You couldn’t be honest with her, share your feelings, just bottled them up inside until you were doing nothing but existing. Going through the motions. It’s no wonder she left.

The unwanted, but completely true thought slammed him in the gut. He wanted to double over with the realization. Maybe curl up in the fetal position and cry. Or maybe die.

Something about his expression or his body language made Mason wrap an arm around his shoulder, steer him over to a bench and urge him to sit. The fact Owen didn’t put up a fight proved to himself just how bad a shape he was in.

Mason sat next to him, elbows on his knees, hands clasped between them. “Want to talk about it?”

Owen took a breath and opened his mouth to say no. That’s not what came out. “When she asked me to go with her, I was surprised since she was pissed at me for not signing the divorce papers. But, like the fucking idiot I am, I jumped at the chance to spend time with her. Thought it would be a good way to remind her of how we used to be, use it as a way to try to win her back.” The words spilled out of him, unfiltered. He wanted to clamp his mouth shut, stop talking, but something inside him wouldn’t let him.

Mason didn’t say anything, just sat there, staring at the ground in front of him. Owen was grateful.

“Somehow, we decided to make the weekend a free for all, with no consequences. Just do what we wanted with the promise it would mean nothing once we were back home. Of course, she had no idea that my plan was to try to win her back. There’s no way she ever would have agreed to it if she’d known.”

Mason nodded, but remained silent.

Owen leaned back against the stable wall, tilting his head back to stare at the ceiling. Somehow, in the darkened space of the stable, things didn’t seem quite so grim. He blew out a breath. “Needless to say, it all blew up in my face.” He wasn’t about to get into the nitty-gritty details of what happened. There were some things he wasn’t interested in sharing with his older brother.