Page 63 of His Secret Wish

How sad was that?

Isabella laughed and stepped out of the line of fire of the snowball headed her way. It hadn’t snowed a huge amount, but there were a couple of inches on the ground. The snow probably wouldn’t last long, however, since it was supposed to be warm and sunny tomorrow.

“Ha, ha, you missed me.” Isabella stuck her tongue out at Claudia, who had launched the projectile in her direction.

Marissa giggled, her cheeks rosy. Excitement and happiness sparkled in her gaze, which was so good to see, Isabella could hardly stand it.

The back door opened, and Owen stepped onto the porch. He had his hands stuffed into the pockets of his coat. His gaze landed on them—they were playing on the far side of the big tree—and he headed toward them.

Marissa spotted him and ran in his direction, wrapping her arms around his leg. He glanced down at her, his mouth tilting up into a sweet smile. “Hey, moppet.” He patted Marissa’s hat covered head. She didn’t let go, just continued to smile up at him. He reached down and picked her up. She squealed and laughed, a big grin on her tiny face.

He walked over to her and Claudia. “Hi.”

“Hi.” It came out as more of a squeak, and Isabella’s cheeks prickled. For some dumb reason, she didn’t know what to say.

“Can we build a snowman?” Leave it to Claudia to cut through the tension. Isabella didn’t think she’d ever be grateful for the little one’s questions and enthusiasm.

“Sure.” He put Marissa down. The girls ran a little ways off to use some fresh snow for their snowman. The awkwardness between her and Owen took on a life of its own, and she honestly couldn’t understand why. It wasn’t like they hadn’t had sex before. Granted, it had been a while, but still.

Finally, he stuffed his hands back into his jacket pockets and walked over to help the girls. She followed behind, trying to shake off whatever was making things weird.

Claudia was rolling a snowball, every push across the lawn making it bigger. Marissa had apparently been tasked with finding things they could use to make the snowman’s face. She was over by the flower beds near the house, picking over rocks.

“Here, let me help.” Owen went over to Claudia, showing her how to make the snowball as round as possible. It wasn’t very big—there wasn’t enough snow for that—but the snowman was going to be adorable.

She wandered over to help Marissa find the perfect stones. Together they scoured the ground until they had enough to give the snowman some eyes and a smile. She’d grab a carrot from the kitchen for the nose when they were ready for that part.

“Okay, let’s go see how Claudia and Owen are doing with that body.” She held out her free hand, the rocks for the mouth in the other. Marissa beamed up at her, her little cheeks ruddy, and took her hand. She held the rocks for the eyes clutched tightly in her other hand. It was the first time Isabella had seen her so happy and engaged.

Hand in hand, they walked over to where Owen and Claudia were smoothing out the three snowball body of the snowman. It was probably two feet high with the typical three snowball structure. Marissa held out her hand with the rocks, showing Owen what she’d found.

“Those are perfect.” There was an edge of sweet in his voice. “Let’s put them on.” He urged Marissa forward, letting her press the eyes into the slushy snowball. Not doing it for her, letting her take the lead.

Isabella walked over to Claudia. “Do you want to do the mouth?” She pointed toward the snowman, who was now looking a little lopsided, its head drooping to the side a bit.

Claudia nodded her little head frantically, happiness sparkling in her eyes.

“Here you go.” Isabella had her cup her hands together, and then placed the five rocks inside. Claudia smiled at her, flashing her little teeth. She was so stinking cute.

Claudia raced back to the snowman, showing both Owen and Marissa her treasures. He nodded appreciatively and then helped her press the stones in the snowball for the smile. He was saying something to them, but he was talking very low, and Isabella was too far away to hear what he was saying. She took a couple of steps closer, straining to hear.

Whatever he said made the girls fall into a fit of giggles, and Isabella couldn’t help but smile along, even though she’d missed out on the joke.

Not that it lasted long. An ache built behind her breastbone, the same piercing ache that happened every time they didn’t get pregnant, or she lost a baby. The same ache she’d lived with for the last ten years.

He’d make such a great dad. And that was something she could never give him. He’d floated the idea of adoption once, and she’d bitten his head clean off, feeling extra vulnerable that day. After that, he’d never brought up the subject again, and she’d been too embarrassed of her ridiculous reaction to mention it.

Again, their communication skills sucked.

Sadness slid through her, making her limbs feel heavy and tired. Everything always came back to her lacking. It was a huge big cycle. She’d thought she’d dealt with all of this when she’d had her hysterectomy, and for the most part, she was good. But every once in a while, something came up that knocked her on her ass, and thrust her back into the spiral.

She needed to get away from him and the girls for a bit, get her emotions and her thoughts under control.

“Isabella.” Mami’s voice came from behind her, and there was a definite strain in the word.

She turned. Mami stood on the porch, a shawl wrapped around her shoulders. There was something about her expression, the way she was standing, that made the hair on Isabella’s neck stand on end.

“What’s wrong?” She hurried over to the porch and up the stairs. Her heart was galloping like a runaway horse.

Mami’s eyes were glassy. “It’s Yaya. She’s gone.”