Page 80 of The Devil’s Lair

If therapy has worked for them, maybe it could work for me, too, though I suppose it would be helpful if I was a little more clued in on why I have this aversion to touch. A starting point would do. It’s not like I’m asking for much.

“Morning.” I saunter into the dining room as though I don’t have a care in the world.

Isla jumps down from her chair and runs to me. I drop to a crouch and accept her hug and a kiss on the cheek. When I think back to my life before this beautiful little girl came along, I see how empty it was. She’s filled my existence with color, and I’m fucking grateful to her and Rebecca. What I lack in physical intimacy is dwarfed by what I gain from their presence.

Jesus, I’m getting soppy in my old age.

“No Saskia?”

“No, she said she had a meeting,” Grace says, putting her knife and fork together on the plate. “She was acting really weird, though.”

“It’s Saskia. Weird is her entire personality.”

Christian grins. “Yeah, but this was extra weird. Like she had a gigantic secret she couldn’t tell under threat of death.” He swigs from a mug, sets it down, then pushes back his chair. “Excuse us, beautiful people. My gorgeous wife and I have somewhere to be.”

He ruffles Isla’s hair as he passes, and she sticks out her tongue at him, smoothing her hair at the same time. The normalcy of it pulls my chest tight. In the last three months, Rebecca and Isla have truly become a part of my family. I wouldn’t change a thing. I’m so grateful.

Well, maybe there’s one thing I’d change, but that’s impossible, so what’s the point in even thinking about it?

“How are you feeling this morning?” Rebecca asks.

“Good. Did you get to sleep okay?”

“Yes, slept like a baby.”

“Me, too,” I lie.

“No more nightmares?”

“No.” I sit at the table and reach for the pot of coffee. “I’ve been thinking about what you said regarding whether I had a governess. I’m going to see Dad after breakfast and ask him.”

“Good idea.”

“When I’m done, we can go down to the stables, and you can watch me give Isla that riding lesson. If you’re still okay with me teaching her, that is.”

At the mention of her name and “stables”, Isla’s head whips around, a beaming grin on her face.

“We?” Rebecca frowns. “I thought you wanted it to be just you and Isla?”

“Whatever gave you that idea? Of course, I want you to come as well. We’re a family, and families spend time together. If you like, I can teach you at the same time.”

She pulls a face. “I’ll pass. They’re so… big. And the ground is an awfully long way down.”

“I’ll get you on a horse one day.”

“Don’t bet on it.”

After breakfast, I go in search of Dad. Alan informs me he’s playing a round of golf with Xan and Nicholas. Our golf course is on the west side of the estate, a few miles away. I head to the garages and jump in the first car I see. A patter of nerves fill my stomach, and I’ve no idea why they’re there. All I want to know is if I had private tuition as a kid.

I spot Xan by the sixth hole, lining up a putt. Dad and Nicholas are a few feet behind; their golf cart parked a short distance away. Dad’s the first to see me coming, and he holds up a hand in greeting, then beckons me over.

“Come to join us?”

I chuckle. “Thanks, I’ll pass.” I’m a terrible golfer.

“Practice makes perfect, brother.” Xan sinks the golf ball with ease.

“Only when you care enough to improve.” I pause. “Which explains why your personality has all the hallmarks of a pole shoved up your arse.”