Page 39 of Falling for the King

‘Did you find anything?’ he asked softly.

‘I found a photo.’ She pressed her palms onto the table. ‘I look just like her, well except my colouring which was definitely from Dad, and—’ her lip trembled and she bit down on it to stop the hateful betrayal before whispering, ‘—he tore it up on the spot.’

Xavier reached over and clasped her hands between his, offering comfort and support, as the familiar shot of connection zapped through her.

‘I’m so sorry. He had no right to do that.’

‘No, he didn’t.’

A look passed between them and for the first time her grief over what happened in her father’s study eased. He’d understood and that meant everything. She drew in a shaky breath and decided to tell him the rest of what had occurred that day, something she’d never shared before.

‘And a letter she’d written him providing written proof that the baby … me, was his child. It was obviously part of a continuing discussion because she’d written about how he wouldn’t marry her until the baby was born and could be proven as his. She sounded so young, so desperate for him to believe her, begging him to marry her so the baby wouldn’t be illegitimate, that was important to her. She had no family, nobody but him.’ She took another shaky breath her voice wobbling. ‘Of course, she died in childbirth and they never married and I still don’t know to this day who he was trying to protect … himself or me by hiding all that.’

He kept his hands over hers and leant forward.

‘What a shocking thing to discover, to come to terms with. I wish you didn’t have to go through that alone.’ His voice was low, urgent.

‘I’d … I’d always fantasised that he loved her and was devasted by her death and that’s why he never committed to a relationship after that. Why he’d hire young, beautiful nannies who had no skills with children. They always ended up being Dad’s girlfriends for a couple of months then it would end in tears and there’d be another one. That day was the only time I’ve ever seen him upset, really shaken. With Dad gone I’ve reconciled myself to the fact I’ll never know what happened between them. The press, despite their best endeavours, have never unearthed anything of substance and I never found anything else when I went through his papers after he died. I’m sure though, in some way, he blamed himself for her death.’

Xavier paled and his hands trembled. ‘That’s a terrible thing to live with but it doesn’t excuse his behaviour towards you. None of what happened between your parents is your fault, and despite all that trauma you’ve turned out to be the exceptional person you are.’

Tears welled in her eyes. The sincerity in his voice, on his face and the love she felt for him swelled threatening to overflow. She wanted to reach over and hold him close and reveal her feelings to him. She opened her mouth then jammed it shut. No, she couldn’t do that, ever. His support and understanding didn’t change the fact that she’d married his brother and Xavier would marry another.

She pulled her hands away from underneath his and put them in her lap away from temptation. He remained silent but observed her closely.

‘Thank you for saying that, for believing me. Nothing was ever the same between us again and not long after that my father orchestrated the meeting with Max, the arrangement with him, who ironically turned out to be exactly like him.’

He frowned.

‘Did Max remind you of your father?’

She looked away from Xavier through the windows but didn’t see the landscape outside. Instead she saw the similarities between her father and husband that she’d been too immature to notice at the time.

‘In some ways, the same lust for life, the big personality. Marrying Max was the only time my father was proud of me and no I didn’t do it for him, I thought Max was wonderful. He hadn’t needed to persuade me because what I wanted most was for both of them to love me.’

She turned back to Xavier and raised a hand to stop him as he opened his mouth to respond.

‘Yes, I know your thoughts on love but I can’t blame anything other than my own immaturity for seeing what I wanted to see. And my father, well no child should have to earn their love from a parent.’ She stood up.

‘No, they absolutely shouldn’t. That’s inexcusable.’ Xavier rose as well. ‘Kat, I don’t want to ever see you hurt.’ His eyes bored into hers. ‘I can’t bear to think of you being hurt, of someone hurting you.’

His words pierced her heart. He would never knowingly hurt her, she knew that, but ironically he had the power to do so more than anyone else. She knew now that what she’d felt for Max was a poor comparison to the real thing.

‘I’m not that girl anymore, Xavier, I’ll never be her again.’ She lifted her chin to emphasise her point. ‘I know how to protect myself now,’ she said firmly, she just needed to remind her treacherous heart and Xavier must never, ever be aware of her feelings.

Chapter 12

Xavier bounded down the stairs with all the enthusiasm of someone who hadn’t had any free time in far too long, although that wasn’t the only reason for his eagerness. That reason stood in the middle of the foyer glancing up at the sound of his feet.

His stomach clenched as he stopped and stared down at Kat allowing himself a moment to collect himself. Her make-up immaculate as always, like her hair, was in the style she wore daily. The rest of her wasn’t. Dressed in dark jeans and a puffer jacket, like him, except for a pale blue scarf almost the colour of her eyes. The shoes he’d requested be suitable for walking were a pair of platformed converse sneakers. She looked warm and more than a little wary.

‘Sorry for keeping you waiting.’ He winced sounding stiff and formal as he continued down the steps at a more sedate pace.

‘I’m early.’

‘You still up for a tour?’

‘Sure,’ she said with a smile that didn’t reach her eyes.