Page 22 of Minha Dona

“Yeah.” Juliana laughed. “That is if we’re talking about the same thing.”

“Our dynamic.” Helena checked to make sure that Juliana was nodding in agreement before continuing. “I’ve taught you everything you need to know about how to be a dominant. You’re very, very good at it.”

“As I keep saying, good teacher.”

Helena tried not to blush at the compliment and didn’t quite succeed. “You don’t need me anymore. You’re ready. That Sunday in the alley told me that, and Friday proved it.”

“Are you sure, though? There’s so much I don’t know yet.”

“You’re a natural, a complete natural. The rest you need to discover for yourself. Besides, I can’t teach you because…” Helena trailed off, shifting in her seat. Time to admit to something that she’d barely dared admit even to herself.

“Because what?” Juliana had leaned in and, for once, her expression was serious.

“Because I am normally the dominant.” Helena felt her mouth go dry at what she was about to say. “But with you I can’t be… I mean, I find myself not wanting to be.”

Juliana’s eyes had widened in surprise. “You’re saying…” She paused and started again. “You… don’t want to be the dominant, but you want to be…” She trailed off, clearly not wanting to sound presumptuous.

Helena lowered her voice to a whisper. “I don’t want to be dominant with you. I want to be submissive to you. I told you that sometimes, not often, I switch.” She paused for emphasis. “With you, I want to switch, and not just sometimes. All the time.”

“You want to be my submissive?”

“I’d… want to be, depending on what this all is.”

“Ok… that’s kind of big. I’d assumed that whatever happened you’re really the dominant one out of us two.” Juliana looked at Helena, properly looked at her. “You’re serious?”

“Absolutely serious. Believe me, I don’t admit to something like that lightly. Look, for me I need to switch sometimes, not often, not often at all, but sometimes I need to remind myself what it’s like and sometimes, honestly, I just need to enjoy not having to think and being able to let go.”

Juliana nodded, thoughtful. “The submissive is the true dominant. Your whole philosophy?”

“Exactly. It takes strength to be naturally dominant and let yourself surrender.”

“I think that resonates with me. For us though… I suppose it links to a larger question.” Juliana paused, fixing her gaze on Helena. “Us.”

“Yeah. Us.” Helena let that linger.

Juliana took a sip of her wine and sat back, studying Helena for a long few moments. “Ok. Let’s have it then. What are we?”

“You first.”

“Coward.” Juliana grinned, but then she was thoughtful, turning the glass in her hand. “We’re friends who sleep together. We were teacher and student, though as you point out that’s changed now, probably for good.” She paused. “We care about each other. We’re casual.”

“And the casual part… does that genuinely work for you?”

“Genuinely, yes.” Juliana said it without hesitation. “I’m not waiting for this to become something more. I know it can’t and I don’t want it to.”

“Because of Mariana.”

“Partly. She’s my best friend and you’re her sister. If we got serious and it went wrong, I’d lose her. That’s not a risk I’m willing to take.” Juliana shrugged. “And partly because I simply don’t know whether you and I would be compatible long term. It hasn’t been that sort of thing between us. I like what we have. It’s honest and it’s fun. I’m learning things I couldn’t learn anywhere else. That’s enough for me.”

“It’s the same for me,” Helena said. “You matter to me… genuinely, not just as a courtesy. But I can’t offer you more than this, and it wouldn’t be right to pretend otherwise.”

“Then we agree.” Juliana lifted her glass. “To being exactly what we are and not pretending to be anything else.”

They clinked glasses and something inside Helena relaxed. The unspoken made spoken, the boundaries drawn in pen rather than pencil.

“But I suppose the reason I wanted to talk about all of this,” Helena said after she’d finished sipping her wine, “is so that we’re clear on other people. If one of us dates someone.”

“You’re dating someone?” Juliana didn’t seem jealous, simply curious.