Page 116 of Where the Wattles Bloom

She stared at him as if she was back at that moment too. But not for long. ‘No.’ She shook her head. ‘This is about the baby.’

Her words pulled him up short. What the fuck? ‘No.’ He crossed to her then, his hands sliding to her arms. ‘This is not about the baby.’

She nodded vigorously. ‘Yes. You love the baby, you’re worried that I’m going to shut you out or something. But I won’t, Lachy, I promise. I just need some—’

‘No,’ he denied again, his voice steely.

Lachlan accepted that he’d screwed up with his declaration. But he wasn’t going to accept her attempts to conflate his feelings for her with his feelings for the baby. He couldn’t let that stand.

Were they entwined? Of course. But they were also very different and very separate.

He opened his mouth and quickly shut it again when he realised he was about to say I love you baby or no baby. That wasn’t something he could say to Rowena without potentially triggering a whole lot of stuff.

Instead he said, ‘This is about you. Only you. I love you. Rowena Murray. And I’m really sorry about the timing. It was monumentally stupid to blurt it out now. But it has nothing to do with the baby. I love our baby in that magical way that just is. But I’ve fallen in love with you.’

The conflict and torment in her eyes almost broke his heart, and for a moment he thought she was going to cry. She didn’t, though, she just shook off his hands and stalked back to her packing.

‘I can’t think about this now,’ she muttered, sounding thoroughly miserable. ‘I have to go.’

Realising he’d erred badly, Lachlan knew it was time to retreat. It killed him, but the only way to salvage anything from this mess was to let her go and do what she needed to do.

It was a devastating moment. On top of his recent loss it felt like his insides were being scooped out. But he had to think strategically. Early on he’d made up his mind to be the easy part in amongst all the hard parts for her, and this was another of those moments.

Rowena was running scared. She needed time and space. She’d asked for a month—one lousy month in the grand scheme of the rest of their lives—and he could give her that.

Swallowing against what felt like an entire packet of razor blades, he straightened and said, ‘I’ll get your Mini out of the shed.’

*

Standing shoulder to shoulder with Albert half an hour later, Lachlan watched her drive away. It was one of the hardest things he’d ever had to do, and there’d been a few of those the past month.

‘Sometimes a person has to go away before they can come back,’ Albert said.

Lachlan knew he was right. He’d done the same thing, hadn’t he? Left Blairgowrie only to return.

‘She’ll be back,’ Albert predicted, his voice quiet and sure.

Lachlan heaved in a deep breath, hoping Albert was right, as her car disappeared in a plume of dust.

Twenty-Nine

Rowena had been back on the NICU for a week when she walked into Helena Chandra’s office. She’d booked the face-to-face appointment months ago, timing it to ensure she’d worked a few shifts before they chatted.

‘It’s so good to see you again,’ Helena greeted as Rowena took the seat on the other side of the desk.

‘Good to see you, too.’

Rowena had always looked forward to these sessions. She’d been exceptionally self-motivated to get her life back on track and had welcomed therapy as part of the process.

‘You’re getting a bit of a bump, I see?’

Rowena laced her hands over her growing belly. ‘Yeah, I’ve finally popped.’

‘You’re … what?’ Picking her glasses up off the desk, Helena put them on and consulted her notes on her computer screen. ‘Twenty-five weeks?’

‘Yep.’ Rowena nodded. ‘Bang on.’

Helena peered over the top of her frames. ‘And how are you feeling about the pregnancy?’ She glanced at her computer again. ‘Your scan was normal and you’ve made it past official viability. You must be happy about that.’