Page 79 of Wild and Wanted

‘Do they hurt?’ She hadn’t asked him before because she hadn’t been sure he’d want to talk about them, and she still wasn’t. But the more they saw of each other the more comfortable she was with delving into his life. As he had delved into hers.

‘No. Not any more.’

‘I’m so sorry this happened to you,’ she murmured as she slid her hands up again, looping her arms around his neck, resting her chin on the cushion of muscle that sloped down to his shoulder as the first star appeared in the sky. ‘I’m sorry your career got cut short.’

She’d apologised before but his scars were a constant visible reminder of what he’d lost. Of course, she’d probably have never met him if he’d still been on the circuit, but those pictures on the wall at The Corral told a thousand words. Clay had been very good and, as he’d said to her when they’d discussed this prior, how would she feel if she couldn’t write songs any more?

‘It’s fine.’

Stevie blinked at his mild dismissal, so different from the last time they’d talked about this topic, ‘That sounds very chill of you.’

He laughed and it vibrated through her chin to her cheeks. ‘That’s your fault.’

Stevie smiled at the humour resonating in his voice. ‘How come?’

‘After we talked about Yolanda, I realised that, yeah, I lost my career and that was devastating, but you… you lost your sister. And that’s degrees of awfulness worse. And you don’t even get to have a physical scar for people to know how much you’re hurting. You have to carry yours on the inside.’

A sudden surge of hot tears scalded the backs of Stevie’s eyes at his insight, surprising her by how much it mattered.

‘So I decided it was time to stop feeling sorry for myself and wishing for a redo. Stop hoping for some miracle that the insurance company changes its mind and lets me back on the circuit. It’s never going to happen and I honestly don’t think I’d take it now if it was offered to me.’

Stevie blinked. Okay, wow. That was big. Letting go of a dream was huge. ‘You’re really ready to let go of the challenge and the adrenaline?’

‘Yes.’

‘What about the limelight?’

‘Especially that,’ he confirmed. ‘I used to think I wanted the fame and the glory but since it’s been snatched away I’ve had a lot of time to think and I realise that I don’t like the person I was back then very much. Yes, being an egotistical, self-centred asshole was part of the act but there were times I embodied it a little too much. And it turns out’ – he glanced sideways at her and smiled – ‘I like my privacy.’

Stevie smiled then leaned in and kissed him, a soft lingering kiss that snuck right in between her ribs and settled like a sigh. ‘So,’ she murmured, breaking away, ‘you’re happy to stay on the ranch and do your thing?’

‘Yes. But also Mags has been talking about us going into business since I got back. She thinks we should get into breeding and raising rodeo-ready stock horses, maybe eventually open up some kind of academy for rodeo wannabes here on the ranch, and it’s actually appealing more and more.’

‘Really?’ Stevie sat back a little, surprised. ‘It sounds perfect for you two.’

Her certainty was heartening and he kissed her again, but briefly this time before he unlocked her arms. ‘Need to move,’ he muttered as he pushed to his feet and lowered himself into the chair next to hers. ‘You know what I still haven’t heard?’ Picking up her guitar he passed it over. ‘The song you wrote about me.’

Yeah… because they’d been too busy doing other stuff with their time.

Stevie took the guitar, strumming absently as she settled it against her, suddenly nervous. Not her usual stage fright nervous because it was just him but because it was different to her usual country-lite backlist. ‘Cowboy Kisses’ leaned all the way in, as had the three other songs she’d written while she’d been here, steeped in the country air and the ranching lifestyle.

‘This is obviously the stripped-back acoustic version. It’ll sound a little different with other instruments mixed in.’

He nodded. ‘Okay.’

Staring at her fingers on the strings, she started softly, concentrating on the chords and the words about a city girl finding herself amidst big skies and red barns and cow-dotted pastures – not the man whose laser-like attention was like a spotlight on her soul. But by the time she reached the chorus she was feeling more sure of herself, tossing her hair back to look at him as she sang.

So many misses

Too many wasted wishes

Looking for something I couldn’t define

Then you came along

With your cowboy kisses

And now I can never go back to city boy kisses