Page 71 of Wild and Wanted

‘No.’ A slice of Stevie’s hair fell forward as she shook her head, and Clay looped it around his index finger. ‘Yolly appreciated it. She used to say that we were yin and yang, opposites but still part of the same whole, and my amiability helped buffer her compulsivity. She adored me just as I adored her. She was like this disco ball and I got to live in her sparkles and then make music with her.’

He didn’t say anything but his hand slid onto her cheek for a moment, just holding there, empathy radiating from his gaze, before it dropped away.

‘We were in church one Sunday, when I was sixteen. Yolly was there, too. She quite liked going to church, I think mostly because of the music. But a little bit because of her on-again-off-again crush on the preacher’s son.’

Clay’s low chuckle settled around her like a hug.

‘Anyway, the minister starting talking about how they were starting up a virginity pledge programme for teenagers through the church and my mom was all over it, wanting to enrol me and Yolly. Mostly I think to try and curtail some of Yolly’s impulses.’

Clay’s eyebrows raised. ‘I’m guessing that wasn’t popular with your sister?’

‘Ah, no.’ Stevie laughed. ‘Given she’d already lost her virginity, she was vehemently opposed. Mom did the usual while you’re living under my roof thing but then Yolly said she was nearly eighteen and planning on sleeping with as many guys as she could before she settled with one guy and the whole thing was about the patriarchal subjugation of women and, well… it devolved into the usual arguments which kinda put me in on the hook for it.’

He wound his finger in her hair again. ‘Did you mind?’

‘Honestly? No. Yolly was an extrovert who flourished with variety. She had a large friend group, and was always taking the lead with the fans. I was much quieter, living in my head with my country love songs, so it was kinda… romantic to be honest. Not that it was about waiting for a wedding ring or anything but I liked the idea of it not being just the first guy that came along. I liked the idea of it meaning something. I know that’s not the way everyone feels and that’s fine but…’ She shrugged. ‘It felt right for me.’

‘And what did Yolly think about that?’

‘She respected it. But it didn’t stop her from trying to talk me out of it either.’ Stevie smiled, remembering those conversations. ‘She used to tell me about guys and how the good ones could make you feel incredible. Which, for the record’ – Stevie blushed, surprised she still could after everything they’d done together – ‘I finally understand.’

Clay’s lips curved into a smug smile. ‘Pleased to be of service.’

Stevie’s mouth curved, too. ‘Much appreciated.’

‘So… you don’t think your mom will respect that you’ve changed your mind?’

Stevie grimaced. ‘She will, eventually. But… I guess it goes back to our family dynamic. It’s been a terrible couple of years for her, obviously.’

Her gaze dropped to the haunch of his shoulder as Clay said, ‘For you, too.’

Stevie raised her eyes to find his brimming with understanding. ‘Yes, for me too. But… I think she’s dealing with so much guilt over the tumultuous nature of her and Yolly’s relationship and she’s clinging to the familiar because nothing feels the same without Yolly around.’

Stevie almost laughed at her understatement. Life now felt like she was walking around with one leg slightly shorter than the other – the world hadn’t changed but the way she navigated it was harder.

‘I’m the one that never caused her a moment of stress or worry,’ she continued, ‘so I’m just trying to keep the status quo.’

‘Would she…’ He paused like he wasn’t sure how to say the thing he wanted to say. ‘After everything… really care any more about the purity ring?’

‘Maybe not.’ The truth was Stevie didn’t know for sure but she did know she wasn’t going to push that envelope when her and Clay were… temporary. ‘I’m just trying to be gentle with her.’

He nodded slowly. ‘The good daughter, huh?’

Stevie rolled her eyes. ‘Yeah.’

‘Can I… ask about your sister? About her accident? About that time in your life?’

Stevie blinked, surprised by his question. Being on the ranch these past two weeks, no one had asked her about Yolly and it had been nice.

‘You don’t have to,’ he assured as the silence stretched.

‘No… it’s fine.’ Stevie tossed her head. ‘It’s just… you’ve never asked, so…’

He didn’t say anything for a beat or two as his fingers lifted to trail lightly down her face. ‘It’s obviously still raw for you so I didn’t want to pry. But I think that maybe you don’t get much of a chance to talk about it with anybody outside of dodging nosy questions from the media. Anybody real. Anybody you can be real with.’

Clay’s thoughtfulness was touching. She’d have never thought that grumpy cowboy she’d first met could have such a capacity for empathy. Because he was right, Yolly’s death wasn’t something she talked about much. And she could be real with Clay. She’d been real with him since the beginning.

Easing herself down, she lay her head on his chest and closed her eyes, his fingers automatically tangling in her hair.