Page 742 of Coal Hearts

I didn’t leap to my feet quick enough.

I didn’t say Sir or please or thank you.

Every day, more of the same.

Every night, similar abuse.

Each time he ordered me to kneel, I fought a savage war not to snap. Not to hurt him. Kill him. But all he’d have to do was look in Ily’s direction, and all my fight would snuff out.

Behaving was the only way to protect her.

So...I behaved.

It took every ounce of courage I had left.

Every atom in my body bellowed how wrong it was. How abhorrently, grotesquely wrong to simper at this monster’s feet and not slaughter him.

I held my tongue.

I choked on my rage.

And I never once looked at her.

Fuck.

Every evening he tormented me, she was there.

I could feel her.

Sense her heart. Hear her whispers. Touch her energy.

I didn’t want her to see this.

Didn’t want her watching when I could barely watch myself.

I stopped looking at her to protect her, but I couldn’t bear to see how she looked at me in return.

Did she see a broken man who’d failed her?

A worthless beast who couldn’t save her?

I’d never forgive myself for bringing her here, but I’d never forgive her for making me this weak.

If I didn’t love her, I would’ve been free by now.

He would’ve killed me because no way in hell would I have submitted.

It was comical really. The hardest lesson I’d ever learned, and it wasn’t Victor teaching me but Ily: be careful what you wish for.

I’d longed for love and devotion my entire life.

I’d believed such gifts would free me from the black filth inside me.

Yet the opposite was true.

Love fed me to the darkness, and devotion kept me shackled.

I became nothing more than this thing kneeling at Victor’s feet.