Page 473 of Coal Hearts

I can finally rest.

Alone.

Wrapping herself in a towel, Ily hissed between her teeth, then walked with great concentration out of the bathroom.

Snatching a second towel from the rack, I dried off my hair and swiped my body dry. Agony bellowed in every inch. My arm never stopped bleeding, hinting that the lightheaded wooziness might not just be from thickening depression but also blood loss.

Wrapping the towel around my waist, I strode into the bedroom and spied Ily resting on the bed.

She lay star-fished beneath her towel. Arms and legs spread as if not wanting to touch any part of herself. Flat on her back where Kyle hadn’t been able to shoot her, she breathed shallowly through her nose, obviously still in a lot of pain.

I lingered over her.

The urge to cup her cheek and promise I’d make everything better almost broke whatever wasn’t broken inside me.

Everything I touch gets hurt...

Turning away, I fought the urge to run into the night and sacrifice myself to the churning, clawing chasm inside me.

I couldn’t cope like this.

I couldn’t be this way.

I wanted out.

I wanted to forget.

I want...

Christ.

Pinching the bridge of my nose, I backed away.

What I wanted I could never have, and if I tried, I’d only hurt her worse.

With shaky hands, I grabbed the medical supplies Rose had gathered for us, then carted them back into the bathroom.

Wiping off the mirror, I rummaged in the packets of bandages, arnica cream, and other salves.

I found salvation in distraction.

I did everything I could to avoid looking into the black maw growing ever bigger inside me. Tendrils of midnight wrapped around me, tugging me closer, closer...

My breath came faster as I found a small packet with a sterilised needle and surgical thread. I stared at my stab wound and imagined sewing myself together like a cobbler with leather.

The room tilted.

My breathing turned raspy.

My chest expanded until the contusion on my side glowed with dirty colours.

I fell into that swirl of pain.

My eyesight blurred at the edges.

I hyper-fucking-ventilated.

Blackness exploded through me, strangling me, throttling me—