Page 28 of A Knight for Gwenllian

“Yes. Who would have thought that the awful arrangement my father agreed to would lead to such happiness? And yet, it happened. I spent so many years dreading the fate I thought would be mine that I am doubly grateful for the way everything turned out.”

It suddenly struck Gwenllian that Old Myfanwy had told her she would live her life surrounded by bones at the age Bethan had been told she would have to marry a Scottish stranger. It seemed significant, somehow. Could it be that, like Bethan, she ended up living a different life than the one she’d spent years dreading? Could it be that she, too, found what she wanted on the road to Scotland?

Oblivious to the realization that had hit her, her friend gave her a smile. “But enough about me, you already know all there is to know from my letters. Tell me about yourself?”

Gwenllian blushed before she understood why. Then she did understand. Because her news, the one she was bursting to tell her friend, was all about Alexander.

“I think that I, too, have met a man, the kind I’ve always dreamed of,” she murmured.

Far from being shocked, Bethan winked. “Well, he is rather dashing, is he not?”

“How do you know who I⁠—”

“Please. If you mean to pretend that Sir Alexander is not the man who makes your blood race faster in your veins, then you can save your breath. I know he is.”

“Is it that obvious?” Gwenllian was appalled. They had been here for less than a day, and already her friend had drawn her conclusions.

“Sorry if that’s not what you want to hear, but…yes.”

Oh, this was bad. “Do you think he knows?”

Bethan snorted, making her opinion clear. “Unless he’s a fool, which he doesn’t appear to be, he will know. But more to the point, he shares the attraction. Don’t tell me you haven’t noticed?”

Well… If truth be told, Gwenllian had thought to detect interest in his eyes many times over the last few days, but she had tried to tell herself that she was imagining things so as not to get ahead of herself. The disillusion would be too hard to bear if she were wrong. But perhaps she wasn’t wrong? Bethan had always been very observant, and she was telling her she had noticed something. If she had seen Gwenllian’s attraction toward Alexander, why should she be mistaken about what she thought he felt?

“I was trying not to dwell on it, if I’m honest, just in case he did not return my feelings,” she admitted, feeling slightly ludicrous. But if she couldn’t discuss Alexander with her friend, who could she confide in?

“No. I suppose you can’t see the way he looks at you when you’re talking to someone else, but I can. And I’m telling you, your mighty knight has been hit. Hard.”

Gwenllian’s heart missed a beat. This was excellent news. “Then… What should I do?”

“I think you already know the answer to that question,” Bethan said slowly. “You already know what you want from him. Only you are afraid to admit it to yourself, which is why you pretended not to notice his interest in you.”

Silence stretched in the room. Gwenllian didn’t know if she felt chastened or relieved. But Bethan was right. She knew what she wanted from Alexander, had known it for days, perhaps even from the start, when she had woken up in his arms. She wanted him to be the adventure she had been looking for, to be the memory that would sustain her throughout her lonely life. She wanted to enjoy more than a stolen kiss, she wanted him to show her the pleasure a man and a woman could share.

Resolve straightened her spine. “You and my sisters all chose their first lover. Am I to be the only woman I know who doesn’t have the courage to act on her desire? As well as to see you, this is why I came to Scotland. I wanted to find an adventure. Part of this adventure was to experience what I fear I will never experience later on in life,” she said, almost talking to herself. “But perhaps I didn’t need to come all this way, perhaps the adventure found me at the start of my journey. As soon as I set eyes on Alexander, I knew I wanted him to play a role in my life. Not that I regret coming to see you, but⁠—”

Bethan squeezed her hand. “I know what you mean. And after what I did to try and ensure myself my life would not be the one I had been condemned to, I cannot judge you for wanting to do the same.”

“Thank you. It’s not that simple though.”

How would she go about it? Having never before tried to lure a man to her bed, she had no idea what to do. She could not jump on Alexander in the middle of the great hall and tell him that she wanted him to bed her. No… But she could perhaps go to see him in the middle of the night and show him what she wanted. He knew about her desire for adventure. Which meant that if, as she and Bethan suspected, he was not indifferent to her, he might well allow himself to be seduced.

“It can be simple, since he already feels desire for you. In my experience, men find it hard to resist a woman they are attracted to.” It was as if her friend had read her mind. “I will see to it that you are both given a room away from the main building while you’re here, far from prying eyes and ears. Go to him when you’re ready.”

Gwenllian bit her bottom lip. Could she be so brazen? And even if she were, would it work? What if they were mistaken and Alexander did not feel any desire for her? Or… What if he did, but he resisted temptation because she was a virgin? Would she dare risk the humiliation of a refusal?

Just then, he entered the room, following in Cameron’s footsteps.

The answer to her question exploded in her mind. Yes, she would dare. She would be as brazen as to go to him. Even better, she suddenly had an idea of how to convince him to give in.

Undeniably, that would be the hard part because Alexander was too honorable to ever allow himself to ruin a virgin. And yet, he wanted her. Now that she was allowing herself to see it, she saw it, in all its glory. There was no mistaking the way his eyes had lit up when they had landed on her.

Well, she would just have to make it plain that she, too, wanted him, and would not let dubious conventions stand in her way. It was as she’d just told Bethan. All the women she loved had chosen the men who would introduce them to the pleasures of the flesh, and it had ended up well for them. Jane, Siân and Bethan were now married to the men they had seduced before any sort of promise had been uttered.

Of course, marriage might be out of reach for her. Hadn’t she been told, albeit in a covert manner, that this was not the future fate had in store for her? Yes. But it hardly mattered in this instance. She had decided to find herself a lover in Scotland so that she could experience pleasure. That lover did not necessarily have to be Scottish, did he?

At that moment, three things happened at once. Little Callum, sated from his feed, let out an enormous, contented sigh. Alexander burst out laughing—and Gwenllian’s mind was made up.