Page 50 of Bitter Truths

It hits me then how much this place, these people, have become my anchor. This will be my first time leaving, and I don’t know how to do life anymore without them.

I pack quickly—there’s very little I can’t live without. I’m more inclined to take my weapons than any other thing, but I don’t think airport security would be too understanding.

We first have to hike out of the woods, and then the drive to the airport takes two hours through winding mountain roads. Ezra doesn’t try to fill the silence with empty reassurances. He just drives while we listen to soft music.

“You going to be okay?” he asks when we pull up to departures. “Going back there, I mean.”

It’s a fair question. I haven’t been home in over five years. Haven’t seen my family in years, or my childhood bedroom, the places where everything fell apart.

The worst part is knowing it’s a matter of time before I run into them.

Winston’s friends.

But the thought doesn’t devastate me the way it used to. It just makes me tired. Sad for what was lost, for the girl who believed in fairytales.

“I don’t know,” I say honestly. “But I have to try.”

“Remember who you are now.”

I grab the bee in my pocket, thumb tracing its tiny golden wings. The metal is warm from being pressed against my body, a constant reminder of who I once was. Who I will never be again. “I won’t forget.”

He squeezes my shoulder—warm, reassuring. Supportive as always.

The flight gives me too much time to think. Two hours staring out airplane windows, thinking about going home.

My parents love me but don’t understand why I had to exile myself to the woods, why our conversations have to be brief in order to keep me stable. They’ve never said so, but I imagine they’re disappointed I never went to college, found a job, and met someone. Like they did. I always was the disappointment of the family.

They don’t get that some things still fuck me up when I consider them for too long, that staying away makes me feel safer.

I miss them like hell. I miss Dad’s terrible jokes and Mom’s fussing and the way they used to make me feel warm, secure, and loved. But being around them means being around reminders of who I used to be, what I used to want, and how I fell apart.

I’m not her anymore.

I never want to be her again.

The plane begins its descent. Below, I can see the city where I grew up, where the trajectory of my life shifted forever, and where my brother lies fighting for his life.

Winston’s going to be fine. He has to be. Because I can’t lose him with all of this space between us.

I touch the bee in my pocket one more time as the plane touches down.

Time to face the past.

10

BIANCA

Just breathe, Bianca.

I haven’t been inside a hospital in years, not since I was the one trapped in a bed, but the smells are the same. Different building, same vibe that makes everything look sickly, same beeping machines that sound like countdown timers. It’s hard to get a full breath, but I keep walking.

In slow. Out steady.

The ride from the airport had proven that life carried on without me. The town still looks like I remember, even though it feels like another planet—a place I haven’t let myself dwell on for too long in years.

Home sweet hell.

The elevator ride feels endless, and I catch my reflection in the steel door. Not the girl who left, that’s for sure. Black clothes, hardened eyes that don’t give anything away. The girl I used to be is buried deep, and I have no desire to dig her back up.