Page 31 of Now Their Starlet

“Talk to me. What’s freakin’ you out so bad?” His thick brows are drawn down in genuine concern.

The beard he normally keeps clean has grown out in the past few weeks. It’s rougher, more scraggly. If I weren’t an emotional wreck, I’d think it’s hot, in a rugged, lumberjack kind of way.

“I’m just—this is what we’re hoping she sees, right? I just—God, Eli—I just miss her so much and the only way I’m not freaking out all the time is if I try not to think about her, but there’s no way to not think about her, about the kind of shit that might be happening to her if I’ve gotta sing the song I wrote for her, in her childhood backyard, with the intention of sending a message to her that we’re all still thinking about her!”

My chest heaves from the long stream of jumbled words.

“Take a breath for me,” Eli murmurs, gripping my wrists and pressing them against his chest. “Breathe in, two, three, four. Hold, two, three, four. Out, two, three, four. Good job, good boy.”

I let Eli’s instructions and gruff voice wash over me.

“Shut up,” I mumble, pressing my forehead against his chest, feeling his heartbeat under the palm of my hand. “Don’t act all hot when I’m freaking out.”

“Why?” Eli asks, his lips quirking up at the corners in a small smirk. “Is it working?”

“You’re doing what I did for you, back at that stupid jeans ad shoot.”

“And it worked wonders on me. Feel better?”

“Yeah,” I nod.

I expect Leo or Everett to show up with a water bottle for me. Maybe even Cameron.

What I don’t expect is for Edison Wade to appear with a water bottle in hand. I guess Eli texted the big group chat that included him.

“I hope I’m not interrupting anything?” Edison says, holding the water bottle out to me.

“No,” I say with a shake of my head, stepping out from Eli’s warm embrace, even though that’s the last thing I want to do right now. “Thank you. You didn’t have to grab this for me.”

“I wanted to be helpful,” he says, offering me a warm smile—it reminds me so much of Andi that I have to look away.

“I’m sorry I’m holding everybody up. I just—I just need a minute or two more and I can try again.”

“Take your time.” Edison steps up beside us, staring out at the view with his hands tucked into his pockets. “I think it’s admirable how much you care for Andi. Caring for someone to the point of invention, to the point of creation, it’s a magical thing.”

“Someone told you the song’s about her then, huh?” I say, the plastic of the water bottle crinkling under my hand as I twist it open and take a tentative sip. It helps soothe the lump in my throat.

“Yes, Everett mentioned it earlier. It’s a beautiful song.”

“You’ve only heard the first verse before I choked up,” I huff.

“I’ve listened to the demo when I was working with Cameron to help plan the shots for the music video,” he says, that fond smile still on his lips. It’s less distracting, with him aiming it towards the view instead of at me. “I think that’s enough for me to form an opinion.”

It’s a bizarre experience, knowing I’m working with someone as talented as Edison Wade. I’m not nearly as star-struck as Cameron has been, but it’s definitely something I’ve had to wrap my head around.

“I won’t pretend to understand your medium, but as someone who understands being a creative, I know quite intimately how difficult it is to produce when your heart’s not in it. I didn’t touch any projects that weren’t absolutely necessary for nearly a decade, in the thick of all the legal proceedings. I didn’t have it in me. Give yourself some grace.”

I blink at him, letting his words wash over me.

“How did—how did you manage to get back into it?”

He pauses before he answers, as if he’s giving my question thought. As if my question is that important.

“I’m unsure if my answer will be as relevant to your situation, but I had to relearn why I fell in love with it in the first place. I had to reconnect with my ‘why’ and convince myself it was a good enough reason.”

I ponder his answer. What is my why? I need to record this music video because our plan hinges on this and because the world can’t stop. I have responsibilities and commitments, and even though Everett would understand if I buried my head in the sand and refused to do any work until this situation with Andi is resolved, there’s no guarantee it’s going to get resolved anytime soon.

There are other people at the record label relying on me to maintain the schedule I set out. Plus, Eli and Leo are both relying on me too.