Page 143 of Now Their Starlet

“Yes,” I nod, offering Leo’s hand one squeeze before I pull away from him.

“Wait!” Beck appears by my side, panting slightly.

I’m half expecting him to tell me not to go.

But he doesn’t. None of them stop me.

Beck hands me a hoodie—one of Eli’s, based on the blood orange scent—and a pair of sandals.

“You’re not even wearing shoes, Starlight.”

“Thanks,” I say, swallowing hard past the lump in my throat. I slip on the sandals and turn to the paramedic. “Ready.”

“Great,” he nods, his expression sympathetic. “You cool with heading to Cedars Sinai? It’s the closest.”

“Yes, whatever gets him seen the soonest,” I nod, my movements stiff and jerky.

I haul myself inside the ambulance, the metal hand bar cold against my heated skin.

“You guys can meet us there, that cool?” The paramedic says, gesturing at my guys. They offer a series of nods, and the doors are closing behind us.

“Alright, let’s get rolling,” the paramedic says. His partner, a broad-shouldered beta woman, floors the gas. I’m surprised the tires don’t squeal as we zoom down the winding neighborhood roads, sirens wailing.

The back of the ambulance is surprisingly bumpy. Despite the harness I’m quick to put on, I still feel like I’m getting tossed around like a rag doll. I can see why machines like the one they have strapped to my dad are used. I’m not sure I’d be able to stay on and continue CPR effectively in a moving vehicle if the ride is this bumpy.

“I don’t think I caught your name,” the paramedic comments, moving around the back of the ambulance with practiced ease as he checks certain monitors he’s hooking my dad up to as they drive.

“Andi,” I say. “What—what was your name again? Sorry, I’m—I’m usually better with that sort of thing.”

“Drew,” he answers.

Okay, so I guess his name didn’t start with an N.

“Nice to meet you, Andi. Wish it were under better circumstances. Things are going to get a bit chaotic when we get there, just want to give you a heads up on what’s going to happen.”

“They’re—they’re going to get more chaotic?” I cling to Eli’s hoodie, pressing it against my chest. I haven’t had a chance to put it on yet. I think the adrenaline is making me run warm.

“Yeah, unfortunately, they are. We’re going to bring him to the emergency bay, and they’re going to take him right up to get treatment. It’s going to be a whole lotta people yelling and moving around. There should be someone to greet you and get you somewhere you can sit, okay?”

“O—okay.” My voice is barely audible over the wailing siren and the roar of my own blood pulsing through my ears.

My dad looks so fragile, lying on the gurney with that great big machine punching into his chest.

The sight reminds me of Gina, because for whatever reason, my stupid brain is thinking of her in this moment.

Maybe because deep down, I know my dad collapsing like this has something to do with her. The timing is just too convenient. Maybe the stress of seeing her in court pushed his body, his heart to this state.

I’ve done enough therapy to know that this isn’t necessarily my fault. My dad chose to help me.

But I haven’t done enough therapy to not feel this burning, seething hatred directed at my mom. Because if it’s not my fault, then it’s hers.

She has systematically taken so much from me throughout my life. My childhood. My self-confidence. My sense of self.

Hell, even my freedom.

She took me away from my dad as a child, and now her selfish actions are taking him away from me again.

A broken, strangled sob leaves my chest before I can choke it down.