Page 127 of Now Their Starlet

My eyes widen at her words, and I let out a deep, shaky exhale.

“Especially—especially because Gina would always say everything she’s doing is for my own good. I think—I think you’re right. I don’t know how to handle my guys or my dad actually doing things for me because I’m always expecting these hidden conditions to pop out of nowhere.”

“You’re waiting for the other shoe to drop,” Nancy echoes with an empathetic nod.

“Yeah,” I nod, swallowing hard past the lump in my throat. “What—what am I supposed to do now? Am I just supposed to live with this feeling?”

“No,” Nancy says softly. “The brain has a way of protecting itself. When you’ve been through such traumatic things, brains can cling to the worst-case scenario as a way to prepare you. Unfortunately, that means even if the worst case doesn’t happen, you’ve already lived through the worst case in your own mind. You have to learn to trust yourself and your own judgement again.”

“And—and what if everything falls apart? I have good people in my corner now, I think, but what if something terrible and tragic happens? Like... what if they all die?”

“There are risks to everything in life. There are very few people who say they derive true joy from hiding away from all life has to offer. There’s no way to pick between the tragedies and triumphs. You are a resilient young woman, I’m sure you’ll figure out how to navigate anything that happens. A goal I’d like for us to work towards is to regulate your nervous system so that even if the worst case happens, you’re only living through it once.”

“Okay. I think—I think I can work towards that.”

“Wonderful. Let’s talk about what that looks like on a day-to-day basis.”

CHAPTER 25

Beck

This is what it’s all about.

I can hear the roar of the crowd past my custom-molded in-ears. That’s how loud they’re being.

The stage lights are so bright that I can’t see any specific faces in the crowd. They’re all just one shifting amalgamation of appreciation, adoration, and awe.

I’m someone who basically writes my feelings for a living, but I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to capture the feeling of having thousands of screaming people here to support me into words.

I reach for my mic, tilting the stand towards me.

I only have to clear my throat before the crowd goes wild again.

“Hello, Los Angeles!” I say, raising my hands, my expression breaking out into my bright, signature grin.

I’m not sure how Everett pulled the strings necessary for me to perform tonight at the Kia Forum without officially being on tour, but I guess that’s yet another thing I have to thank Andi for.

Maybe it’s a testament to how popular I’ve become, because tickets sold out in less than an hour. There are eighteen thousand screaming fans—the majority of which are sharing the hashtag #WonTheTicketWar—here to see me tonight.

It’s a surreal experience.

Turns out, the publicity of Andi’s court case has really made streaming numbers and my social media skyrocket. Considering the lead single was very obviously about Andi and the publicity of her own conservatorship court case, it makes sense why things would explode this way.

Did I expect them to be this explosive?

Nope.

Though I don’t know if I could’ve punched my way out of a paper bag when I first released the lead single because of how much of a mess I was. Things can change pretty fast. The magic of your girlfriend not being held hostage by her psycho mother anymore. Who would’ve thought?

“Thank you for being here for my first performance, now that my album Inevitable is out in the world!”

There’s more screaming and cheering, so I take a second to breathe it all in.

“This album title is really special to me. I hated the word inevitable for the longest time. It was a word I kept hearing over and over when I first presented as an omega, and at the time, I didn’t realize how much of a gift that was.”

“But,” I say, clearing my throat and shaking off the ghosts of my past. “ Amazing people kept showing up in my life in very special ways, and they helped me realize that inevitability can also mean destiny.”

I turn to the custom stage wings Everett managed to get for the venue, my eyes scanning about until they settle on Andi.