Page 386 of Light Leech

“You know?” I shook my head. “I don’t like how credible conspiracy theories are becoming.”

“Oh, there will always be conspiracies, but that doesn’t mean that freaks won’t come up with their own fictitious stories. As long as there are secrets, there will be those freaks who think they get it.”

“What about Akna only drinking milk?”

She scoffed. “After what you saw in the ocean, I wouldn’t discard the contaminated water theory just yet.” She paused, looked around, then said, “let’s go home.”

“How long do you think it’s been?”

“A few days, give or take. I’ve never been in for this long, but it’s not like years will have passed.”

“And once we’re out, our minds will just… recombine?”

“My outer-shef should have sent you a recalibration file by now. Once you use it, it’ll pull the data from inside here into your true mind to form a complete picture of what happened on both sides.”

“But if we leave… and he–I don’t, will we just lose everything? Will I just fade into nothingness?”

She smiled and shook her head. “Its not as nihilistic as you might expect. It’ll be fine. You ready? Yeah, I’m deciding for you. See you on the other side, Pet.”

Chapter twenty-six

Fatigue

Naoma held my hand on the skyride home. She had fallen asleep on my shoulder, so I tried not to move much as I looked at her. After the disaster that was the palace party, she still retained her flawless beauty. The broken-in look of imperfect makeup and tousled hair pulled her out of that pop idol visage, letting me see her once again for the girl she was beneath it all. She had a subtle smile. I hoped her dreams were a soothing distraction from this mess. We were enjoying a brief reprieve but knew it would soon expire.

It was hard to forget that with the homunculus staring at me from his cylindrical capsule of indigo-infused liquid. He watched me, connected to tubes and wires in his as he floated in the dense liquid. He had a small tube that reached down his throat for respiration and other life-sustaining needs, but he was just as conscious as I was. We had brought Zhou’s cybernetic body along with us in the trunk in case Ralia wanted to toy with it, but he directed us to his “resting capsule” after we told him that he would be joining us.

I smirked, feeling the savor of victory after so many wins at great costs. Yes, many had died–if that was what it was–during the boat race, but so many had survived. I tried to focus on them, rather than the itch of guilt that was sure to come.

A different itch came in to replace that feeling. Without thinking, I entered my neurospace, opened my fixes, and looked at my supply of socitabs. I was a twitch away from using one.

Boyband’s pleading held me back. Ralia hated it just as much and Abbas had shown me enough evidence to show the cognitive damage they dealt.

I was fine. Why did I need one? I was with Naoma, her hand in mine, yet that itch persisted. I wondered if it would wain.

I chose not to use one. It took all the will I had, but I had told myself that I wanted to change.

I resisted. It was pitiful to look back and see how often I had slipped when that was all that it took. A hunger for teeth hadn’t been healthy for my restraint, but that didn’t mean it was irreparable. The human tendency to confuse want with need had grown so commonplace in a world where everything was provided to those who had enough lumens. Even the poorest found ways to justify a fix over a meal.

I wasn’t going to be like them. I was different and had been given the world’s weight in responsibility. Against that, resisting an addiction was just another itch.

It would come back. I would still scratch it, but for now, I had the power to refuse.

I still had the memtab I bought with Naoma to use on the way home from Arabasia. I preferred them over socitabs, but they were far more expensive and were just as dangerous if you became addicted. I still hated the idea of growing old and those only made reality more difficult to accept. We hadn’t bought it for simple fun. It was one of our first attempts to understand Naoma’s past. When her memtab gave her nothing more than a confusing blur, I had chosen to leave mine alone.

I left the fixes behind and opened my files. Ral-and-pet-fun-date was at the top, ready for me to calibrate the conscious with the subconscious. The name was stupid, but it made me smile. It was another reminder that I had people who cared for me. I missed Ralia, even though our subconsciousnesses had been working together for the past… while? I didn’t know how long it had been. I was glad to be returning home after putting on a show for the elites. I clenched Naoma’s hand, gladder to have her beside me than anyone else. Still, I missed my family. I could only imagine how cooped up Boyband must have felt.

I would see them soon. The ride was nearing its end and hadn’t been long from the start.

I selected Ral-and-pet-fun-date.

Images played over my vision at double, triple, then exponentially faster speed. Images became experiences. Sounds became memories. I understood it all as if I were a rushing train that pulled to a gradual stop at its final station. Once I stopped, I remembered everything inside and outside the neurocore. Luminate League.

Sha. The Moon. I couldn’t contain myself. I jumped right into my neurospace.

Petya: Ral, I just reconnected. Recalibrated. Whatever it’s called. Zeg, are we really doing this? What about the others?

She sent me a smiling face that brought a warm orange glow to my interface.