Page 75 of What I Needed

I begrudgingly opened the Flikstagram app, went to River’s page, and chose the most recent post. He was sitting in his office at his desk with a solemn expression, and I rolled my eyes at his attempt to gain sympathy. I pressed play, turned up the volume, and tuned in.

@rivwest33: Being in the public eye is not for weak-minded individuals. I’ve never been one to feed into gossip, especially about myself, and honestly, I still don’t give a fuck what anyone says about me. Take out your pens and notepads and pay close attention because I’m only addressing this once.

The baby you’ve seen me with is my daughter, Riverlynn. About two and a half months ago, she was left at the door of my condo with a note. Of course, I had a paternity test done immediately, and I was proven to be her father.

My history with women is long and sordid. When I couldn’t pinpoint the identity of my daughter’s mother, it was embarrassing. I understand why everyone is quick to assume the worst about me without facts when it comes to women, but the story you thought you had tonight was nowhere near the truth.

The woman you saw me with tonight is my daughter’s aunt. I met her for the first time tonight, and we are not involved in any way. Her visit served two main purposes, and neither of them had anything to do with sex. That’s all I’ll say about that because I’m still processing the information, and I don’t owe y’all nosy asses an explanation.

The redheaded beauty you’ve seen me with started as Riverlynn’s nanny, but she’s become so much more than that. For those of you who can’t read between the lines, she’s now my woman. You don’t need to know any more about her unless she decides she wants to share more. I believe I’ve found the woman I want to spend the rest of my life with. Now, if you nosy niggas would stay out of my business, I’d appreciate it. I’m out.

The video ended, and I watched it twice more before leaving the app. I felt sick again, but this time for a different reason. I was dead wrong. I accused River of doing something he didn’t do and didn’t give him the opportunity to explain. I had to apologize, but beyond that, I had no idea what to do to fix this.

I called Shakira, and she answered on the first ring.

“I think you owe me and River an apology,” she said.

“I’m sorry for yelling at you.”

“Thank you. Now, go apologize to your man.”

“It won’t be as easy.”

“Make it easy. You were wrong, and⁠—”

“We were wrong, Kira. You were ready to come over here and burn all his clothes.”

“Not burn them, bleach them.”

“Same difference, but now you’re telling me I was wrong.”

“Okay. We were both wrong, but I didn’t cuss him out, and he’s not my man.”

I sighed. “I know.”

“So . . .?”

“I’ll call you tomorrow.”

“Good luck, bestie. Love you.”

“Yeah, yeah, yeah.”

I ended the call and put my phone face down on the bed. It was time to put my big girl panties on and apologize to my man, if he was even still my man. After relieving my bladder, I washed my hands, splashed some water on my face, put my shorts back on, and left my room.

River wasn’t in his bedroom, Riverlynn’s room, the kitchen, or the family room, and when I was on my way to his office, I saw a light on the patio. I grabbed a blanket from the back of the couch and found him sitting on the far end of the couch.

He looked up when I stepped out, but our eyes didn’t meet. It was dark except for the light from inside. I sat on the end of the couch closest to me, opposite River. I wrapped myself in the blanket and angled my body toward him.

I couldn’t bring myself to speak, so we sat there for at least ten minutes in silence while I watched him scroll through his phone. Every time I opened my mouth, nothing came out. Eventually, he was the one who spoke first.

“You got something you wanna say, E?”

“I saw the video you posted.”

“Are you here to apologize?”

“Why didn’t you tell me?”