Page 61 of What I Needed

“Okay. Can I spend a little time with my daughter, or is that not allowed until you leave on Monday?”

“Don’t be silly. She’s napping right now but should be up soon.”

She returned her attention to the cooking show she was watching on TV. I sat next to her on the couch but didn’t say anything because she seemed very interested in the show.

“I like her for you and Rivvy,” she admitted.

“Ma, it’s not that serious.”

“It is that serious because you like her too.”

“You’re reading too much⁠—”

“River Jamal Westmore, I’m not reading too much into shit. I gave birth to you, and I know you better than you know yourself. You may not be ready to admit it out loud, but you’ve already had a conversation with yourself, and you’re trying to downplay your feelings.”

I released a deep breath, not knowing what to say because I wasn’t ready to embrace my feelings.

“You don’t have to say anything, because I know the truth. I just hope you don’t talk yourself out of a good woman.”

“Is that why you want us to go out tonight?”

“Yes. You need to spend some time together outside the bedroom without Rivvy being the center.”

“Come on, Ma.”

“Don’t ‘come on, Ma’ me. You think I don’t know you spent the night in her room? It’s obvious y’all have no problem connecting that way.”

“We connect in other ways too, Ma. Rivvy is still a baby. She still sleeps a lot, and as long as she’s dry and fed, she’s content. I’ve had a chance to get to know Erissa in ways I’ve never been interested in knowing another woman.”

“And have you opened up to her as well?”

I shrugged. “Somewhat, but all she needs to know is I don’t see her like I see other women. She’s different.”

I felt my mother’s gaze on me and turned to look at her.

“You’re really falling for her. My baby boy is falling in love.”

I stood as I dismissed her words.

“Man, Ma. Gone somewhere with all that. I’m going upstairs.”

“You can’t outrun love, River. It will eventually catch up with you.”

I heard her, but I didn’t respond. Riverlynn must have sensed my presence because I heard her whining when I got to the top of the stairs. When I opened the door and called her name, her whining ceased, and she was smiling by the time I took the two strides to her crib.

“There’s my baby girl. Daddy missed you.”

The way her arms and legs flailed with excitement when she saw me went straight to my heart. If I never found love, I knew this little girl would love me because I would do my damnedest to make sure of it.

After changing her diaper, I took her downstairs, and instead of returning to the couch, I sat on the floor, putting her on a blanket. We laughed and played, and every few minutes, she giggled until she was out of breath.

“Fatherhood looks really good on you, Son.”

“Thank you. That means a lot.”

“I know you might have thought I wasn’t supportive, but I had to let you figure this out on your own. It was your first test as a father.”

“I know and I understand. I’m glad you’re here now, though.”