Page 46 of Butterfly 6, Phase 1

“So have at it. Let it out!” Mara encouraged.

Alani screamed again and held her head back, eyes lifted to the sky as tears leaked out of her eyes. “Thank you, God,” she cried out. “Thank you, Jesus.” She looked at Mara in disbelief. “The devil almost took me up out of here, girl.”

“But you’re still standing. Legs might be a little weak, but the devil didn’t beat you, sis. You’re still here.”

“Ma! What’s wrong?!” Bella appeared, peeking out of the sliding glass door. The fret on her face sent a ping of love through Alani’s heart. Bella was worried. A doting daughter, coming to her rescue.

“She’s fine,” Mara reassured. “She’s just letting out her frustration. We can’t heal when we’re full of pain. So, we’re getting it out.”

“Come here, Bella,” Alani invited, holding out her hand. Bella reluctantly eased onto the balcony and grabbed Alani’s hand. “You’ve been so strong. I know this has been hard for you, too. You want to let it out?”

“No, Ma, you’re out here screaming like a maniac. That’s so cringe,” Bella said, frowning and judging in a way only teenagers could do.

“You’ll feel so much better,” Alani urged.

“What do you mean? You’re crying! That is literally the opposite of feeling better,” Bella replied, smiling skeptically.

“It’s just overwhelming. Releasing everything just feels good,” Alani explained. “I’m crying because I’m letting it out. You don’t have to be the strong one all the time, baby girl. It’s good to cry sometimes. It’s okay to show your tears to people you can trust with them.”

“I’ll leave your medicine on your nightstand,” Mara whispered, excusing herself. She looked at Bella before exiting. “Please make sure she takes it.”

Alani nodded, and Bella responded, “Yes, ma’am, I will.” When they were alone, she looked over their haven of a backyard. The light blue pool sparkled below, like they were sitting on a five-star resort.

“Ma, can I go back to my rooommm?” Bella asked, slightly embarrassed and unsure of what to do.

“Yup, after we scream,” Alani insisted. “Take my hand.”

Bella sighed and wrapped her hand over Alani’s as she gripped the walker.

“One, two, three,” Alani counted.

The pair screamed at the top of their lungs, and Bella fell into laughter. “This is so crazy that it actually makes sense.”

“See!” Alani exclaimed.

“This is something you would have done before. This feels like you,” Bella admitted, smiling.

“So, you’re saying I was crazy? Because that’s all you’ve said about this since you brought your narrow behind out here,” Alani joked.

“You’re pretty crazy, but I wouldn’t trade you for anyone in the world,” Bella cracked. They laughed, and Alani released the walker to pull Bella into a tight embrace.

“Aahhhhhhhh!” Bella roared as she suddenly turned and screamed over the balcony. The scream was freeing, like the first drop on a rollercoaster. It exhilarated her, hollowed her, and healed her all at once. Momentarily, the worry she felt about Yara, the void Henny had left, and the anxiety over Alani’s memory, it all dissipated into the crisp air with that scream. Alani joined her, and they laughed as they leaned on one another for support. “You can always come to me to let it out.”

“You can always come to me, too,” Bella whispered back. “I actually feel so much better.”

Alani caressed the side of Bella’s face as she looked at her with an endearment that only a mother could possess. She didn’t know how her connection to Bella had become so potent, but the way her heart postured strongly for this girl told her that, memory or not, they belonged to one another.

Bella helped her back into the bedroom and then walked over to the bookshelf. She removed a book and then climbed into bed beside Alani.

“You want to read?” Alani asked, confused.

“It’s what we do. It’s kind of our thing,” Bella said. “It’s how we escape when the real world gets too hard. We don’t scream like maniacs,” Bella joked, nudging Alani with her shoulder.

Alani chuckled as Bella patted her shoulder. Alani was loved well here. She understood why Nannie wanted her to protect that peace. As she rested against Bella’s shoulder, vignettes of times they had done this before flashed in Alani’s mind. She held her breath in shock. “I remember,” she whispered shakily.

“Certain things are just hard to forget,” Bella said as she opened the book. In the past, it was Bella’s head resting upon Alani’s shoulder. Today, the daughter was the nurturer. It was a tale as old as time. How you loved your children became the way they loved you as you aged. Just be grateful, Alani scolded herself as Bella began to read. Don’t think about what you lost. Be grateful for what you’ve gained. It was so much easier said than done, because the gut feeling that haunted her wouldn’t leave her, even now, and she couldn’t help but think that all that glitters isn’t gold.

Chapter 14