Page 24 of Goalie interference

I cared even more that the person was me.

That was the part that scared me–how much I liked him. How much I wanted to nail him until he was stupid, but also make sure he never felt alone again. Make sure he always felt supported and cared for–I wanted lying in bed in the morning with him as badly as I wanted fucking him stupid at night.

And that was why I needed him to choose this.

It wasn’t a matter of if it got out, but when, for me. I didn't want to just hook up with Ash and be his experiment.

He needed to choose it.

Otherwise, I was exactly what I thought I was.

Chapter 12

Ash

Thayer lived in an apartment off campus. I knew this because when I got back to my dorm the next afternoon, I had a text waiting from Thayer.

His address.

In the light of day, it was easier to see why this was such a bad idea. It was bad for him, but it was bad for me, too–I knew that. I knew the risks and the assumptions people would make if they ever found out…

But nothing had ever felt better than last night–not even winning the Frozen Four my freshman year.

That used to be my scale, but last night blew it out of the water. Frozen Four settled the professional need in me, but Thayer settled the deeper need.

The need that I always felt gnawing at me, but chose to ignore.

The need that was bored with sex two days ago, but was alive with want today.

Maybe it was just discovering this new thing I liked, or maybe it was working out my sexuality–I didn't care. I wanted Thayer bad today, and it was that want that had me outside his door, but not knocking.

Why wasn’t I knocking?

An ugly, curdled feeling in my stomach turned, unsettling my whole body at once. I didn't like the feeling…

But I knew it well.

I liked Thayer.

I liked talking to him, and I liked being around him–it was the same feeling I used to get around Callie, only times a hundred. I never felt half of what I was feeling for Thayer for someone else…and that really didn't sit well with me.

This was bad enough without my childish feelings getting mixed in.

Still, I wanted this.

I knew I wanted this, and even if it killed me later, I was going to die a satisfied man.

My hand finally knocked, echoing a lot louder than I thought it would. I had a moment of what was almost regret, but I realized quickly it was fear.

Fear of rejection–fear of getting hurt–fear of learning something new about myself.

The door swung open, and Thayer filled the gap, all six-foot-four-brunette-gorgeous of him. I’d never really thought a man could be gorgeous, but Thayer was rewiring part of my brain day by day.

All I needed to know was that I definitely found him attractive now. I spent a little too long looking at his muscles in the weight room and now had a deep familiarity with his eyes, dark and warm.

Just for me.

“Come in,” he hummed, stepping out of the way for me almost uncomfortably. He shut the door behind me, half-chuckling as I took off my shoes–I wasn't raised in a barn.