Page 54 of Near Pemberley

And only once the door had closed behind her did she permit herself to weep.

***

That evening, Elizabeth did not appear downstairs.

Mrs. Bennet, too overwhelmed by her own nerves and complaints to insist upon her attendance with any real energy, merely lamented loudly that nobody considered a mother’s sufferings properly; Kitty cried because Jane cried; and Mary, after attempting two solemn observations upon female imprudence which nobody listened to, retired into offended silence.

Only Jane came quietly to Elizabeth’s room.

She found her still dressed, seated beside the darkened window with Darcy’s letter lying unfolded upon her lap.

Jane paused at once.

“Lizzy… you have not been crying?”

Elizabeth attempted composure. She just shook her head.

Jane approached gently and sat beside her.

For some moments, neither spoke.

The house itself seemed exhausted by misery. Even below stairs, the usual noises had diminished unusually early; doors closed softly, voices remained subdued, and the oppressive stillness settling over Longbourn appeared less like peace than defeat.

“You ought to try to sleep.”

Elizabeth gave a faint, weary laugh.

Jane reached for her hand. “Lizzy… you must not blame yourself so entirely.”

Elizabeth turned away. “How can I not? I knew him. I knew what Wickham was, and yet I said almost nothing. I thought only of avoiding unpleasantness and preserving secrets which ought never to have been preserved.”

“You could not have foreseen this.”

“No,” said Elizabeth, “but Mr. Darcy did.”

Jane looked at her with slight surprise.

Elizabeth pressed one hand against her eyes briefly.

“He warned me. Not directly perhaps, but enough. And I…” She broke off with visible effort. “I treated him abominably.”

Jane said nothing, though her expression softened with increasing concern.

Elizabeth rose abruptly.

“You should go downstairs, Jane. Mama will want you.”

Jane lingered. “Will you not come later?”

“No. I cannot bear company tonight.”

After another affectionate attempt to persuade her unsuccessfully, Jane at last kissed her cheek and left her alone.

For some time afterwards, Elizabeth remained exactly where she was.

The candle burned lower. Shadows deepened gradually through the room until only the faint gold around her writing table remained illuminated.

Exhaustion, then, overcame agitation sufficiently that she undressed almost mechanically and lay down.