Page 2 of Near Pemberley

If they met…, would he speak with ease? Would it give him pain to see her again?

And how should she behave?

With indifference, as she had once wished? With politeness only? She could not suppose herself equal to perfect composure, and the idea of betraying anything more was almost less unwelcome.

Another thought, less reasonable but still troubling, forced itself upon her. That he might not be surprised at all. That he might think she had come there on purpose.

The colour rose faintly in her cheeks at the thought. That he should suppose her capable of seeking him out, of placing herself in his way after all that had passed between them, was an idea she could hardly endure.

And with that came, unbidden, the memory of his words.

How ardently he had loved her.

She could not recall them without agitation. There had been pride in them, certainly, and offence enough to justify all that she had felt at the time. Yet there had been something else as well, something she had not then been inclined to consider.

That such a declaration should have been made at all, and made to her, was not a circumstance easily forgotten.

She wondered now whether he thought of it still. Whether he regretted it or wished it unsaid. Whether he had since convinced himself that his attachment had been no more than a passing folly.

The thought should have given her peace, but she found it gave her none at all.

She turned her head slightly, as if to escape the persistence of her own reflections. But thoughts, once admitted, are not so easily dismissed; and Elizabeth, who had often prided herself upon commanding her own spirits, found them at present very little disposed to obey her.

It was absurd to speculate on a meeting which might never occur.

Elizabeth made a deliberate effort to put on her gloves, as if the small action might steady her.

“I believe we are near Lambton now,” said Mr. Gardiner, leaning slightly forward to look out. “Another few minutes should bring us to the inn.”

Mrs. Gardiner followed his glance and began quietly to prepare for their arrival.

Elizabeth made some answer though she hardly knew what.

The carriage soon slowed, then turned, and at last came to a stop before a neat and respectable inn, whose appearance promised comfort without pretension. A servant came forward at once, and the bustle of arrival left her no leisure for further reflection.

It was only once they were shown into their sitting room, and the first civilities were concluded, that Mr. Gardiner returned to a subject he had already mentioned more than once upon the road.

“We are now so near Pemberley,” he said, “that I cannot persuade myself to quit the neighbourhood without seeing it. It is said to be one of the finest places in the county. Even my book says so.”

Elizabeth felt again that inward resistance, though she kept her manner composed. “I have heard as much,” she said. Then, with an attempt at carelessness, she added, “After seeing so many, I can take little interest in carpets and curtains. If I recall, the library, on the other hand, is said to be remarkable.”

“Indeed? Then I am sure,” he replied, “you could visit one more big house. Your aunt assures me it is worth a visit.”

“If it were only a fine house, elegantly appointed,” Mrs. Gardiner said, “I should not trouble myself to see it either; but the grounds are indeed exceedingly beautiful. I still remember them. They are really among the finest in the county.”

“If the family is not at home, we may view it without inconvenience,” her husband surmised.

Mrs. Gardiner looked from one to the other. Seeing her niece hesitating, she added, “We may enquire first. There can be no harm in that.”

Elizabeth inclined her head, though she would willingly have avoided such certainty.

Mr. Gardiner stepped out to speak with one of the servants of the house, who appeared accustomed to such questions. The door closed behind him, and for a moment Elizabeth stood very still, as if listening for something she could not completely define.

She told herself she did not care what answer might be returned.

Indeed, it would be simplest if the family were absent. There would then be no awkwardness, no possibility of meeting him.

She moved towards the window, though she did not look out.