Page 52 of Playboy’s Purgatory

“You’re right,” she breathes out, “she does deserve kindness.” She winces slightly as I move to a new part of her arm, a more tender spot. Other than that, there’s no indication that she’s in any pain. “Are you trying to heal your own inner child through her because of who her birth mother is?”

I lean back, feeling the weight of her question on my shoulders. She doesn’t ask it like it’s a reproach. There’s not even disappointment in her voice, only mild curiosity, and the need to protect her daughter.

The chuckle that comes out of me is self-deprecating as fuck. Anger surges through me for a moment.

Not because she’s wrong to ask. But because it’s such a plausible explanation that I have to check myself for a moment.

And because I’ve given her enough reason to wonder about any and all ulterior motives I might have. If I could kick my own ass right now, I definitely would.

Lara has no reason to give me the benefit of the doubt. That has my anger melting into something more like acceptance.

I knew this fight would be a long one, but I’ve committed to it.

As I lean back over her and take back up my tattoo gun, I force myself to open up. “It’s probably part of it,” I keep my voice casual. “It’s not like I had some horrible childhood though, regardless of who my mother was. No one blamed what she did and the choices she made on me. No one made me live like a cloud lived over my head just waiting to rain down addiction and bad decisions on me.”

“I’m sure you made plenty of bad decisions, cloud or no cloud,” Lara snarks, but there’s no real malice in her tone.

“You’ve got that right.” I smirk at her and glance up to meet her eyes before focusing back on her skin.

Her soft, delicate, creamy skin. The skin I’m putting my mark on.

No matter what happens—whether she forgives me or not; whether I ever have her in my arms or not—she’ll always have my art on her body. The thought sends a thrill down my spine, and I have to fight hard to keep the smile off my face.

“Just because there is more than one reason to do something, doesn’t mean it’s not the right thing to do,” I point out.

Lara deflates, her bravado and protectiveness seeping out of her. As she relaxes, I find the knot in my gut loosening.

She has every right to question me and my motives; that was never a problem.

I just hate it.

And I want to show her she can trust me. That I’m not the guy I showed her I was. I realize that I showed her a skewed version of myself for too long. It’ll take time; it always takes time.

Fuck.

Patience is hard.

“I’m sorry,” it sounds like the words cost her something, maybe more than she’s willing to pay. “That was rude of me.”

“You were just protecting your daughter,” I counter.

I’m not mad; I understand her and her motives.

“Yes,” she admits quietly before clearing her throat, “but that doesn’t mean I get to use your pain as evidence before anything happens. Even when you were being a dick to me, you never targeted Vanessa.”

“She’s just a kid,” I explain even though I don’t need to.

“True,” she acquiesces and sighs. “Still, it wasn’t okay for me to use your past against you. That’s exactly what Lola did and I never want to be anything like her.” The disgust on her face has one side of my mouth curling up. “You took a risk when you wrote that letter and shared your past with me. It shouldn’t be used against you.”

“Maybe, maybe not,” I murmur softly, my eyes fixed on where the needle drags across her skin. “I was a dick to you.”

Lara huffs out a sound before fixing her blue eyes on me. When I glance up and meet them, for a moment, I’m lost.

“You were operating under half-truths and manipulations.” She states it as a fact, not an excuse.

The words settle around us and, somehow, the distance between us doesn’t feel so vast. Maybe this plan is working. Maybe there can be something more here than just bitter memories and wronged hearts.

Perhaps, one day, I’ll get the chance to really find out why this woman has me tied up in knots. Even when I thought she was related to the devil. Even when I was sneering insults in her direction.