Page 125 of Sweet Redemption

It’s funny, we never really knew each other, not the way you’d expect to know someone you’re leaving as the protector of the most important people in your life, and yet that’s what I’m asking of you. I’m not giving them to you because Hendrix was never mine to give. He was always yours. And with him comes our son.

If you’re reading this, then Hendrix has given it to you, and he’s finally gotten his head out of his ass and found you again. I wish he’d done it sooner. I wish I was a better person, and I didn’t let him marry me. I wish I had the courage to tell him to go after you and beg your forgiveness instead of marrying me.

What can I say?

Dying makes you a little selfish, I guess. And Hendrix made this last year so much easier and happier than I ever thought it could be.

I used to be jealous of you. Before I got pregnant and before we got married. Not because I loved Hendrix the way you did, but because I wanted someone to look at me the way he looked at you. I wanted someone to talk about me with the kind of reverence he used when he was telling me stories about you. But life is unfair, and fate is cruel.

Make sure he raises Bodhi to be the kind of man who loves the way he does because I don’t think many men love that way.

And Bodhi . . . well, that’s where I’m going to ask for more than I have any right to ask. Even if it breaks my heart to think about it.

I desperately wish I was going to be the one kissing his scraped knees and reading him bedtime stories. I’ll never know his favorite foods, or if he was scared on the first day of school. I’ll never see his excitement when he gets his driver’s license or being the one telling him it’s okay when he totals his first car. And I hate that so much.

I want his bad dreams and his Christmas mornings.

His summer vacations and first heartbreak.

I want to tie his tie on his wedding day and I want to hold my first grandbaby and cry because they look so much like Bodhi did. But I’m not going to get any of those moments—you are.

I hope he reaches for your hand when you’re walking side by side because he knows you’ll be there in a way I’ll never get to be. Give him security. Don’t let him think that everyone leaves. Don’t let him live in fear, and don’t let him live, wondering if I would have loved him more.

I’m trusting you to love him enough for both of us.

But please don’t let him forget me either. Say my name. Show him our pictures. Tell him I loved him before I ever saw him and that he was the greatest gift of my life. Tell him I didn’t have a single regret.

Make sure he knows he can miss me and still love you.

They both can.

I feel like I should hate you. You’re the woman who’s going to get to love my husband and son. But I don’t. I think you’re actually the person I’m most grateful for.

I got those first few months, but you’re going to get a lifetime.

Make them count.

Give them everything I couldn’t give.

Give them a lifetime.

XOXO,

Britt

With shaking hands and tears pooling in my eyes, I fold the sheets of paper as carefully as possibly, knowing this letter will be something I treasure, and place them back in the envelope, and rest my head on Hendrix’s shoulder. “Seven lifetimes, right, Superman?”

He rests his head on top of mine. “Seven lifetimes, princess.”

EPILOGUE

HENDRIX

You’ve always been mine, even when you didn’t know it yet.

—Hendrix’s secret thoughts

“You going to marry that girl soon, brother?” Leo asks as we walk out of the locker room, cameras shoved in our faces before we can get to where Serena stands with Addie and Kenzie. Each wearing her Sinclair jersey. Serena’s a little tighter than the others since her baby bump popped a few weeks ago.