Page 26 of Croc Food

“I’m just here to give Bitsy a little lesson in how to be a wife,” I said. “Just like you offered.”

“Get the hell outta here!” he shout-whispered.

“I thought you said a man was king of his house,” I retorted as he made wild shushing motions with his hands. “Doesn’t look like you’re the king of anything.”

He glared at me, a vein throbbing so hard in his head it looked like a pulsating worm.

“You’re nothing but a big ass hypocrite!” I continued, poking a finger right in his chest. “You don’t run your house like a battleship at all, dude. You’re a simp.”

“What do you want to pretend you never saw this?”

“Hmm,” I said. “First admit you’re a massive hypocrite.”

“Just go—” he cried in agony, and I was going to take pity on him, when the door was suddenly pulled opened wider and Mrs. Van Buren stood there.

“Er—hello,” I said.

“Now who is this,” Mrs. Van Buren boomed. “Not one of your little friends, eh? Not you going off to whack about with golf clubs?”

“I’m definitely not his friend—“ I began, when Mr. Van Buren interrupted.

“He’s my new VP, Chadley Parker-Bowles. Of course I’m not planning to go off and whack about with my golf clubs. Certainly not, my dear, I’d much rather be here with you.”

“Hmph,” she said, and toddled back off to her dinner.

“Never tell anyone about this,” Mr. Van Buren hissed.

“Or what?” I said.

But he only glared at me.

“Kiss any chances of working in sports management in this town goodbye,” he said in agony, and then looked as if he wanted to slam the door in my face. But instead he shut it extremely quietly.

CHAPTER 12

Bitsy

Iwas still picking chicken feathers out of my hair when Chad came back home.

“Did I go back far enough for him?” I asked innocently. “Or did he want the Paleolithic era?”

“He offered me the VP position,” Chad said in a dull voice.

I sat up straighter.

“Well—congrats, I guess. That’s what you’ve been working so hard toward. And you’ve earned it.”

But my husband only slumped into a chair beside me, and I was startled to see tears filling his eyes.

“I don’t even think I want it anymore. I thought I did. But if that position means more ass-kissing, more pretending I’m something I’m not, that my wife isn’t already exactly who I want, it’s not worth it.”

“You should’ve thought about that before you asked me to pretend to be submissive to get this promotion. Now you have it and you don’t even want it.”

“I want the old Bitsy back,” he cried in a broken voice.

“You said the old Bitsy was embarrassing. That’s what you don’t seem to get. I know you only wanted me to act that way when your boss was around. But you were still saying my real personality is too weird. That it is keeping your career back. If you really think like that, maybe we aren’t meant to be together.”

“Wait, that’s exactly the opposite of what I want!” he howled in agony. “I don’t care about any career where you have to be fake! I just want my wife back! What can I do to prove that to you?”