Page 95 of All Our Almosts

A million reactions flicker across his eyes in an instant—disbelief not the least of them. His brow is furrowed and his mouth is laughing as he asks, “What?”

“I’m asking you to marry me, Andy.” He goes to respond, but I shove a finger over his lips. “Wait. You had your turn. Let me have mine.”

When my finger draws back, he looks like he’s wondering whether the words “marry me” have an alternative definition he’s never encountered, but I don’t give myself time to doubt. I go for it, talking faster than I should to plead my case while I have the chance.

“You’re my best friend, and I love everything about you. I love your dry wit, and your unnecessarily fancy vocabulary, and the way you listen so intently. I love your dimples. I love the way you run your fingers through your hair when you’re nervous or thinking hard. I love how tidy you are, and how meticulously you follow a recipe. I love the person I am when I’m with you. I can’t imagine ever loving anyone else even a fraction as much as I love you. You take care of me, and I feel safe with you. So wherever we are, whether we stay in Boston or move to San Diego or join the first colony on the Moon, I’m asking you to marry me. Please, Andy. Will you marry me?”

I watch his expression melt in real time. And with those final words, Andy is lurching forward, bridging the gap between us and crushing my lips to his. My arms circle his neck as my feet leave the ground. Snowflakes collect on our shoulders as tears streak down our cheeks. All our history collapses into one moment and we’re finally here, loving each other so much it hurts, the way we’ve always loved each other but new and more because it’s out loud and forever.

Andy pulls back just long enough to say, “Yes.”

30

A loud knock sounds on the apartment door. Andy opens it to find Nolan and Lia standing on the other side, beaming ear-to-ear. They’re carrying a giant cake between the two of them with the words Congratulations I Guess, You Crazy Fucks written in royal blue across the top. He laughs out loud as he lets them inside.

Of course, we told the remaining members of NASA about our engagement immediately, but this is the first time we’ve all been together to celebrate.

Well, hopefully celebrate. Today is also the day I’m getting my admission (or rejection) call from Ashmore, so I summoned the troops for moral support.

The cake is already helping with my mood. I’m literally wheezing as they set it on the kitchen table and Andy comes up behind me, wrapping his arms around my waist as I catch my breath.

“You guys are going to have to go easy on me,” Lia says as she and Nolan take out plates and forks. “I’m not used to seeing you two all lovey-dovey. I’m going through an emotional journey over here.”

“Yeah, Lia,” Nolan jabs. “Tell us more about how this is all about you.”

“I’m serious! You guys are giving the lesbian stereotype a run for its money. Moving in together… what was it? Negative four weeks into your relationship? And getting engaged on day six? Really normal stuff, guys.”

Nolan shoulder checks his sister out of the way, then sets the table. Andy just keeps holding me against him, unbothered.

“Also, still no ring?” Lia asks. “I don’t even know which one of you I’m supposed to yell at about that, now that we know Sophie is the boss in this relationship.”

“She’s getting a ring,” Andy insists, then turns to me. “You’re getting a ring.”

“I don’t need one. I just need you.” I kiss his lips, and see Lia pantomime gagging herself out of the corner of my eye.

“Well too bad. I want the world to know you’re mine,” he replies, and Lia’s pantomime evolves from gagging to hanging. Nolan throws a fork at his sister before cutting four slices of cake.

By the time we’ve all eaten our fill and put the leftovers in the fridge, I’m ready to explain my game plan. I line my friends up on the couch, marching back and forth in front of them like a drill sergeant.

“I am expecting the call anytime before 7:00. If the phone rings, each of you is silent. Not a peep. None of you are to look at me while I’m on the phone. You look at your own phones or find a distraction in the room.”

This level of militancy probably isn’t necessary—I know everyone in this room is as nervous as I am, but they don’t interrupt my schtick.

“If it is bad news, I’m just going to say ‘Nope’, and then we are not talking about it anymore all night. We are going to put on a movie and order junk food and no one is allowed to be sad or even speak to me. If it’s good news,” I continue, still pacing, “I’m going to say… I don’t know, literally anything else. And then we’re immediately doing shots and having the best night of our lives. Do you understand? I need verbal confirmation from each person seated in the exit row.”

Nolan, Lia, and Andy each comply with an audible “Yes.”

With my speech done, I deflate onto the couch, not knowing how else to pass the indefinite anxious minutes until the decision comes in. But Andy knows what I need before my butt even hits the cushion. He tucks me under his arm, then says, “Okay, Nolan. Distract us. What’s the craziest thing that happened to you recently?”

Easy prompt. Right away, Nolan launches into a long recounting of how one of his roommates recently almost burned down their apartment making stovetop s'mores, and is just getting to the moral of the story when my phone starts to buzz on the coffee table.

I look around at my friends in horror, then grab the phone. Lia shoots to her feet, dragging Nolan into the kitchen where they can pretend to re-alphabetize the spices or engage in some other inane task. Andy just squeezes my hand and whispers, “I love you.”

I answer the call with a shaky, “Hello?”

I stand from the couch as I listen, watching my feet travel back and forth over the rug. Andy takes out his phone too, but I know he’s just staring down at a blank screen, trying to hear the other side of my conversation, but all he can hear is:

“This is she.”