Page 92 of Derecho

I nodded.

“Why are you crying?” he asked, swiping away the tear that leaked from the corner of my eye with the big pad of his thumb.

“I didn’t know it could be like that. So gentle, and I could feel…”

“What?”

“How much it meant to you. How much I mean to you.”

Lachlan’s hand slipped around the back of my neck and he squeezed, the soft pressure sending a shiver down my spine.

“That’s only the start.”

Lainey

“Are you sure you’re okay with this?”

“Yes.” Lach smiled as he finished changing Reid’s diaper. “We’re going to be fine. This appointment is important for you. I want you to go, and make sure you tell the doctor exactly how you’ve been feeling.”

“I will.” I sighed as I pushed the strap of my purse up over my shoulder for the fifteenth time. Why was it slipping down so much? God, it was grating my already raw nerves.

“Lainey.”

“I promise. I know something isn’t right. I want to get help. You’ve shown me that it’s not do or die. It’s just one step at a time. And I can manage that. This is just the first step.”

Lachlan scooped Reid off the changing mat and made his way over to me.

“Exactly,” he mumbled against my lips. Kissing him was something I still hadn’t gotten used to, and I hoped I would never lose the sense of wonder that filled me each time we did. “Have a great appointment, Mama, and we can’t wait for you to get back home to us.”

“I’m really glad you brought your concerns to your appointment today. I want you to know that there is help available to you, and we can start wherever you feel most comfortable in the treatment path. At the very least, I do recommend we get you a referral to a therapist who specializes in postpartum depression and anxiety.” Dr. Witten patted my leg as he handed me a tissue. “And we’ll schedule another appointment in a month to reevaluate. Okay?”

“Okay,” I said, wiping the tissue under my eyes.

“If you feel like things aren’t getting better, you come right back in here, okay? No appointment needed. Tell the nurse you're here for a postpartum depression recheck, and we’ll see you. It’s not a problem.” Dr. Witten turned, typing into his laptop while I tried to pull myself together.

“I really appreciate it.”

“Physically, you’ve got the all clear to resume normal physical activity. And sexual activity, too. Do you have a method of birth control you’d like to talk over today?”

“I was on the pill for years before I got pregnant. Antibiotics…”

“Ah, yes.” Dr. Witten sighed. “Well, a progestin-only pill is a good option that should lessen your risk of further depressive symptoms. Let’s go ahead and I’ll send in the prescription to the pharmacy for that. If you find that you start it and your symptoms worsen, stop taking it and give us a ring. We can always explore an option like a copper IUD, or your partner might be open to using condoms or exploring a vasectomy if you’re done having children.”

I knew Lachlan would never hold it against me for not wanting more kids after everything I was dealing with, but hearing Dr. Witten mention him getting a vasectomy put me on edge. What would happen if he did want more kids?

“You go right ahead and get dressed, and make sure you stop at the front desk on your way out to schedule that follow up appointment.”

“I will. Thank you, Dr. Witten.”

“You’re doing great, Lainey. We’ll get you feeling better soon.”

I dressed and walked down the hallway to the reception desk. It was a quick wait to get everything scheduled, and then I headed into the waiting room, tucking my appointment reminder card and the list of recommended therapists into my pocket.

“Oh, Lainey! Right?”

My stomach revolted against the voice before I even saw her.

Jasmine’s smile was perfectly in place as she stood from her chair. Greg’s eyes were glued on me, no false niceties plastered on his face. “You had your baby! Congratulations!”