Page 89 of Derecho

“Let. Go. Of. Me.”

I dropped my hand immediately and took a step back. “Reid is safe with Jessie. She hasn’t done anything except hold him out here in the fresh air.”

“She has a toddler! Her husband works at a place where guys from all over the country travel here to train with his team! You didn’t see that risk? I told you about how sick I was after your mom kissed him, and still you didn’t think about Reid at all! I trusted you. LET ME PASS AND GIVE ME MY BABY!”

I stepped even further away from Lainey, almost as fast as Jessie moved to get out of her chair.

“Lainey, I’m so sorry. If I felt sick at all, I wouldn’t have held him. Hawk, and Beckett, our family is healthy.”

She didn’t seem to hear anything Jessie said. Her eyes were only on her son, now tucked back into her arms. The tears were back, silently making their way down her face. “It’s okay, Reid. I’m here. I messed up, but I won’t again. I promise. I won’t.” Lainey marched back into the house without another word to Jessie or me.

“Fuck!” My hand raked through my hair.

“I’m going to talk to Birdie. This isn’t just normal postpartum feelings. And if Lainey struggling is going to put your progress in danger, then I think maybe it’s best for everyone if she does move in with her sister. The safe house is supposed to be finished soon. Lainey and Reid can move in there and start over.”

“They aren’t moving anywhere,” I snapped, my eyes still locked on the front door. “I’m fine. She’s the reason I’m working so hard to heal from my broken mind.”

“Lachlan, I⁠—”

“I love her, Jess!” My chest heaved at my rushed confession. My head spun, dizzy with the weight that had been lifted off my chest at the admission. “Christ! All this goddamn time I’ve been fighting it because I know what everyone in this family will think! That two broken people won’t be able to pick up the pieces of each other. That we’ll just spiral into darkness together and never come back from the abyss. But that’s just it. She’s already saved me. When no one else in this family could. When I couldn’t save myself! I was never getting off that fucking porch, Jess. And she gave me a reason to. That house isn’t a prison anymore with her inside. It’s a goddamn home.”

I wasn’t supposed to love her. I wasn’t supposed to let this grow into something that consumed me. That fed my anxious mind a picture of peace and happiness it hadn’t thought about in a long time. But every time I had her curled up against me, her warmth pouring into my body as Reid laid over my heart, it was clear I’d fucked my plans all up. I just thought I was helping a friend. And in the process, I found my forever.

I loved Lainey Calloway.

I fucking loved her.

And I loved her son. I didn’t want them to move out to the safe house. I didn’t want to have a quiet house again. I didn’t want to go one single moment without holding the two of them in my arms.

I should have said it before now. I should have told her how I was feeling instead of letting the fear hold me back.

“I didn’t know you felt that way—” My sister was going to tell me all the reasons why it would never work. Why it couldn’t work. But I wasn’t done. Even without Lainey here, my voice felt steady. Sure of what I had to do next.

“I don’t want her to leave. I’m not letting her drown on her own anymore. Every person in her life has left her. Even Birdie, who was doing her best and who I don’t fault at all because Lainey pushed her away so fucking hard. But I won’t be pushed. She deserves someone who will fight for her happiness. Who will fight for her to be healthy. She did that for me. She still is doing that for me. And I’ll do it for her, too.”

Jess stared, wide eyes glistening. “Does she know? Does she know that you feel like this? That you’re willing to put your recovery on the line for her?”

“I’m not sacrificing myself for her, Jess. Jesus! You act like we can’t be happy and healthy together. That’s a load of crap! I’m in therapy. I haven’t given up. I’m working every plan Sloane has put into place for me. And you know what? Lainey’s seen that. She’s already agreed to talk to her doctor next week. Because we both understand that it’s something beyond us. Something that she needs professional help with. So get off your high horse and open your eyes. I’m happy. I’m happy for the first time in years. I go to bed each night ready for the next day to come. Because I have her. And I have Reid. And I’m…I’m finally really happy again.”

Tears were streaming down my sister’s face by the time I finished. And running my hand across my own face, I realized I was crying, too.

“I’m sorry I pushed so hard. I’m happy for you. And for Lainey. Whatever support you two need, I’m here. Okay? We’ll figure out how to help Lainey.”

Lainey

Istill couldn’t believe he just handed Reid over to Jessie. I thought he heard me when I told him I was upset about his mom and how she’d kissed the baby. I thought he cared.

But the Fords would always choose each other. Family was supposed to do that. I had Birdie…I thought I would always have my sister…but she was a Ford now, too, in every way that mattered. Because Beau picked her.

My body sank into the mattress. That was the real problem, wasn’t it? That somewhere, deep inside, I let myself dream about Lach choosing me. It was hard not to let my mind wander there when every day felt warmer and safer than the last. When his hand gently anchored me. When his arms wrapped around me as I cried. When his lips pressed against my temple, I couldn’t help but wonder what they’d feel like against my own.

God, I was pathetic.

What if it got back to Greg that I wasn’t even the one taking care of my baby? For that hour, I had been resting on the couch while my roommate and his sister watched Reid? Jesus. How could Lach not realize how bad that looked?

A light knock at the door pulled me from my spiral. Wiping at my face, I stood, squaring my shoulders. I was certain it would be Lachlan, but I wasn’t sure I wanted to hear his apology. And yes, I knew he would be trying to apologize to me for my overreaction, because that’s how kind and gently he’d been treating me lately.

But it wasn’t Lachlan who stood on the other side of the door.