Page 93 of Sudden Summer

“He’s done a great job in such a tough situation, but I think more than that, you should be commended.” Violet’s hand squeezed my arm. “I can’t imagine how hard it is to be opening up your heart in so many new ways.”

I nodded. “In ways I have no guarantee will be permanent.” My chin wobbled and I dropped my eyes to my hands, picking the cuticle on my thumb. “I don’t know how long I'll be in her life. In their life. It’s so silly, if someone would have asked me ten years ago where I imagined I’d be by now, I would have been so confident in saying I was settled down. Married…”

“To Beau?” Jessie smiled.

I nodded. “Yes, if I was being honest with myself. Then it would be so easy to admit it’s always been your brother for me. And we would be living here on the ranch with our kids. Beau would still be ranching, and I’d have my own midwifery practice. But instead, I’m stuck in this in between where I desperately want to believe everything Beau whispers to me late at night. That he loves me. That he wants a future with me. That I’m going to carry his babies one day, that I’ll have his last name.”

“You don’t believe him?” Violet asked.

“I think he likes saying those things to me. But people have said nice things to me my whole life to get what they want. I know he’s not doing it maliciously like my mom. Or manipulating me like Lainey sometimes does. It’s not that…My brain is just trained not to trust it, you know?”

“But it’s also okay to let yourself believe that he means it,” Jessie encouraged. “Beau would rather die than see you hurt.”

“I told him I was scared to fall. To give him that one last little piece of my heart I was holding onto so I wouldn’t completely shatter if things didn’t work out between us.”

“And did you?”

“I think part of me is still holding back,” I admitted. “This wound that lives inside my heart from my childhood. I’m scared to be here for Juniper and have our relationship taken away. What if she thinks I chose to leave? I knew my mom was picking her own life, her own interests, her selfish needs over me and Lainey. What if everything goes wrong with Beau, and I have to leave her, too? I can’t imagine…I never want…”

Violet patted my leg. “But what if it all goes right? What if you give your whole heart, even the tiny piece you’re holding back, to the man you know you love? What if that’s all it takes for the fear and doubt and worries about being like your mom to disappear? What then?”

Beau

Days like today were fun; I didn’t care what anyone else said. In the saddle, out under the bright blue skies, the team moving our herd across the land. Back when it was a family effort, Colt would tell anyone who listened how sore his ass would get when we spent the day on horseback, but I had always loved it. Probably why I got no arguments from him when I made it clear my heart was always all-in on running the ranch for our family one day.

A whistle cracked through the air over my shoulder. I took my hat off for a second, wiping the sweat off my skin as I turned to face Travis. He pointed to the back of the herd where some of the cattle had broken away, heading back around to where we’d just walked them in from.

“We got ‘em!” I called across the field to Denver and Emmett as I turned and took off after the wayward cattle. I had no idea what spooked ‘em so badly they had to take off like that, but it happened from time to time. Our herd dogs Maple and Oakley were usually right on their tails keeping them in line. I couldn’t recall seeing where the girls were with all the commotion.

“You seen Oakley or Maple anywhere?” I asked Travis as I caught up to him.

“They were right up with Denver last time I seen ‘em.”

“Doesn’t matter now, just need to keep an eye on them and make sure they’re circling the herd like we want them to. Been feedin’ them too many treats lately.”

“Says the guy who was petting them at lunch.”

My jaw clenched. “Just say ‘yes, boss’ so we can finish this up sometime today.”

Travis smiled. “You got it, boss.”

I kicked my heels into my horse and settled into the rhythm he set as our speed picked up. We caught up to the wayward cattle, right up against a long section of fencing—fencing that I could immediately see needed some repair.

Fuck.

“You start pushing them back. I’m gonna hop down and take care of that over there.” I pointed to the section of wire fencing that had definitely seen better days.

“You sure you got it on your own? It’ll take us half the time if we both jump down.”

“Yeah, I’m sure. Start heading back to the herd. I wanna be done in time to have supper with my girls.”

Travis laughed, turning around to start pushing the cattle back to the main drive as I headed toward the fence line.

Hopping down, I grabbed my wire stretcher and pliers. If I was lucky, this would be a quick fix. I slipped my hands into my worn, leather gloves, relieved to pull my hat off so I could enjoy the breeze now that I was right next to an oak tree with lots of shade. Then I went after it.

It was simple, but good work. It was especially nice to stretch my legs after a day of riding. The first part of the fence repair went exactly how I expected, so I moved on, letting my mind wander to Birdie and Juniper. They were spending the day with Colt, Vi, and Connor. I already knew Jessie would be there, too. There was no telling what shenanigans I would come home to.

I hope it helped Birdie feel better. She’d been struggling so much with the news about her patient. The wire stretcher slipped off the wire, and I let a curse fly. The fucking tool in my hands was older than I was, and it was so damn finicky sometimes.