Page 62 of Sudden Summer

She smiled, taking the paper from my nephew. “Thank you, Beckett. I love it! I’m going to put it on the fridge, okay?”

“Otay! I do more!”

“What about me, Becky Boy?” I asked, my eyes still on Birdie’s face.

“No, Bobo.” He shrugged his little shoulders at me. “Birdie gots a boo boo.”

I laughed. “Fair enough, little dude.”

“Dolly, would you mind finishing up the sauce for me? Something tastes off and I don’t know how to fix it.”

“Sure thing, honey. It’s no problem.”

Birdie nodded. “I’m going to go get some fresh air.”

“Do you want⁠—”

“No. Stay here, please. I just need a minute.”

I nodded. The fucking worry on my mother and sister’s face as they watched her leave made the lump in my throat ten times harder to swallow around.

“She’s gonna be alright, honey.” Ma smiled sadly at me. “It’ll just take time.”

Birdie

Iwrapped the blanket I’d grabbed off the couch as I stormed out to the porch tighter around my shoulders. There was this unsettled feeling buzzing underneath my skin. Like I was still being watched, even though no one was really there.

Maybe it was the non-stop messages my mom was sending me. I hadn’t heard from her in weeks; she hadn’t answered any of my messages with any sort of urgency. But that’s how it was. When she called, I had better answer. When I called, she didn’t want to deal with it. With me. Sometimes I wondered why my mom and dad even chose to have kids.

The hair prickled on the back of my neck. Not from the warm breeze that was blowing little strands of my hair all around. No. It was from that same feeling I’d had all day.

And I knew I couldn’t say anything to Beau. Because he was already looking at me like I’d lost my mind. Maybe I had.

Why hadn’t I thought to invite my sister?

No, I didn’t need to ask myself that question, because I already knew the answer: she wasn’t a safe person for me. I was her support system, but she wasn’t mine. Everyone here on this ranch, they were who I needed. A tear slipped down my face as the front door opened.

“Mind if I join you?” Nate asked as he stepped into the fresh air.

“Not at all.” I swiped the edge of the blanket across my cheek, hoping he wouldn’t notice. But he did.

“You okay?”

I laughed, but I couldn’t be bothered to fill it with any emotion. No. I wasn’t okay. “Not at all.” Those repeated words were the truth. I was barely holding on. “Just trying…I wanted things to feel normal. My body keeps reminding me of what happened, and I wanted to forget.”

“You need time.” Nate said it like it was something so simple to give myself. Something I could just wait for. “It’s only been a day.”

“I know. It’s the same thing I’ve said to the women who come into the clinic, or who I take care of at the hospital…after something bad happens. I give them the resources. Tell them to talk to a therapist. Urge them to give themselves time and grace. But there’s rational Birdie who gets that, and then there’s the Birdie who needs to be better for Beau. For Juniper. For everyone in that house. Even when I feel like he’s watching me. Waiting for me…”

He nodded, his brows pulling together slightly as he crossed his arms over his chest. “Have I ever mentioned why I wanted to become a deputy?”

Nate was leaning against the banister, calm and collected. But there was something in his voice. A hint of emotion I didn’t recognize from him. “No. I don’t think you have.”

His face fell, a gentle nod as he looked over his shoulder for a moment, at the wide open field that filled the space in front of Beau’s house.

“My mom. It’s always been for my mom.” His hand ran over his face. “My dad was a bastard. Always yelling, drunk or high for most of my childhood.”

“Nate, that’s awful.”