Page 70 of The Work Husband

‘So you were wrong,’ she said. ‘I thought you would be. Sam’s a keeper. If he did want to get back together with Ava – not that he would when he has you; the man’s not an idiot – he’d have talked to you. He’d have ended things with you first.’

‘I know.’ The words came out in what was almost a howl. ‘I should have known all along, but I didn’t. Because he might not be an idiot, but apparently I am.’

‘But hold on.’ She scraped the last of the ice cream out of the tub. ‘Something’s wrong with this picture. Sam’s not carrying on with Ava behind your back. Everything’s fine with you and him. But you’re here, crying into your Pepperoni Passion, instead of at home, having amazing make-up sex. What’s up?’

‘I messed up. I messed it all up so badly, Molly. The way I behaved to Sam – I was so jealous and paranoid and vicious. And… and now he hates me.’

‘Don’t be mad. Of course he doesn’t hate you.’

‘He does. And I don’t blame him.’

‘But surely all you have to do is explain that now you know you were wrong, and you’re sorry you behaved badly, and everything will be okay again?’

I shook my head. ‘I’m not so sure. He’s staying with Jared – he’s not even at home. He was so cold with me, Moll. I honestly feel like I’m not going to be able to salvage it. And it’s all my fault.’

‘Not all your fault,’ she argued loyally. ‘He’s been a dick. He could’ve reassured you, and he didn’t.’

‘He tried,’ I said. ‘I just wasn’t listening. I was…’

I thought about telling her about Jamie’s stupid plan, which I’d gone along with until I realised it wasn’t going to work. How I’d thought that, instead of communicating with Sam like a sensible person, I could lure him back to me by making him feel the way I was feeling.

But I couldn’t bring myself to. It was too juvenile and stupid, and I didn’t want to look as bad in Molly’s eyes as I already felt in my own.

And I couldn’t – I definitely couldn’t – tell her about last night. That Jamie and I had kissed. That knowledge was so raw, so shame-making, that I could barely admit it even to myself.

‘So tell him that! Tell him you fucked up. Tell him you love him. It’ll be fine,’ Molly urged.

‘You think?’ I looked at her with dawning hope.

‘I’d lay money on it.’ She reached out and hugged me. ‘Go on, text him now. Arrange to meet him. Tell him you need to talk. You’ve got this.’

Her confidence was infectious. Reaching for my phone, I felt a surge of relief. Molly was wise. She knew Sam. If she thought everything was going to be okay, it would be.

I couldn’t have guessed just how wrong she was.

THIRTY-FIVE

Sam had agreed to meet me at a pub near where Jared lived, which was on the other side of London, so there was no time for me to go home and change.

‘I look like shit,’ I’d wailed to Molly. ‘I’ve got no make-up on, and my hair’s dirty.’

I was wearing the shabby denim shorts and vest top which had been the first things to tumble out of my wardrobe that morning, when I’d hastily got dressed after Ava’s arrival. The top revealed that it had been several days since I’d last got around to shaving under my arms, but I prayed Sam wouldn’t notice that – or that if he did, he wouldn’t care.

There were far more important things I wanted him to not know about anyway.

In between Ava’s visit to me and my visit to Molly, I’d barely had a chance to process what had happened between Jamie and me. At the time, I had been shocked, guilty and confused. But now, especially in the light of what Ava had told me, I found that guilt was winning out.

What had happened wasn’t his fault. We’d both had too much to drink. He was my friend. He’d misinterpreted a situation in which I’d been confiding in him about personal stuff. I’d probably flirted with him, accidentally sent out signals that I was open to our relationship becoming more than friendship.

He’d tried it on and been knocked back.

When I saw him in the office next week, I’d tell him that he’d massively over-reached, that I didn’t feel that way about him and I never would, and we’d both apologise. In fact, we’d probably both start apologising straight away before I even needed to say anything.

It would have to pan out like that – there was simply no alternative.

And if I still felt jolted by what had happened, I’d just have to deal with that. Compared to what had happened to Ava, it was nothing – just an unwanted kiss, a misunderstanding.

‘Don’t be daft, Georgia,’ Molly said.