Page 60 of The Work Husband

‘I am not acting like a child!’ I exploded. ‘I’m acting like someone whose boyfriend has been⁠—’

I stopped. This was awful. It was just as bad as I’d expected it to be, and we were getting nowhere – going round and round in circles with me making the same point over and over and Sam refusing to listen to me.

‘Look,’ I said. ‘This is stupid. If you want to be with Ava, you want to be with Ava, and there’s nothing I can do about that. I’m not going to dance around you begging you to pick me. But if you want to be with me, I need to know what’s been going on between you and her so I can make a decision about whether I want to be with you or not.’

Sam turned his water glass around on the worktop slowly, as if he was inspecting it for something or trying to find the best angle to photograph it from – which was pointless because it was just the same all the way round. Then he picked it up and took a sip.

‘Here’s the thing, Georgia,’ he said slowly. ‘Just a little while ago – even a few weeks ago – if you’d asked me that question…’

‘What question?’ I drank some of my own water, but it did nothing to relieve the tightness in my throat or the dryness of my mouth.

‘Do I want to be with you,’ he explained patiently. ‘I’d have said, of course. I’d have said, Georgia’s the best thing that’s ever happened to me. She makes me happy every single day, and I want to spend the rest of my life with her.’

‘But then Ava came back on the scene, and you had a bit of a rethink about that.’ My words dripped with bitterness.

‘No.’ Sam glared at me. There was anger in his eyes but also pain – pain he was apparently blaming me for causing. ‘Then Ava contacted me. I told you I was going to see her, even though I didn’t know why, because I didn’t want you to worry. I never lied to you. I tried to reassure you. I tried to make it not affect us.’

‘And how’s that working out for you?’ I sniped.

‘You see!’ he burst out. ‘This is the whole point. This is what’s made me rethink things. I try and talk to you, I try and make things okay and do the right thing, and this is what I get back. You’ve been horrible, Georgia. Living with you has been no fun recently. I come home and instead of looking forward to seeing you, I’m all on edge because I don’t know what’s going to happen.’

‘That’s not my fault! How can I not be horrible?’

‘Maybe it’s not your fault,’ he said, ‘but it’s the way it is. And it’s made me see things differently. It’s made me realise you don’t trust me – maybe you never did. And it’s made me wonder whether I can trust you.’

‘Of course you can trust me! I’ve never⁠—’

‘And without trust,’ Sam carried on as if I hadn’t spoken, ‘there’s not much point in trying to have a relationship with someone. Is there?’

‘Sam, what are you saying?’ My glass rattled on the countertop as I tried to lift it with my shaking hand.

‘I’m saying I don’t think this is working.’ His voice was gentle and sad.

‘What’s not working?’ I asked, my voice trembling.

‘You and me. Us.’ He took a breath that sounded as unsteady as mine felt. ‘I think we need to take a break, Georgia. I’ll stay at Jared’s for a bit. His flatmate’s working away for a few weeks, so there’s a spare bed there. I’ll still pay my share of the mortgage, so you don’t need to worry about that.’

He’d thought about this. He had it all planned – all worked out. Maybe that was what he’d been telling Ava, although why the end of our relationship would have made her cry I couldn’t begin to guess. Surely she would have been jumping up and down on the sofa with joy like Tom Cruise in that Oprah interview?

Now it was my turn to cry. Tears were starting to slip down my face, my nose was beginning to run, and I knew I’d soon be properly ugly sobbing.

‘Sam – don’t.’ My words caught in my throat.

He was leaving. The man I’d trusted with all my heart to keep me safe was going to walk out of the place that had become my refuge and leave me there alone with my cat. The thought of him abandoning Milton as well as me made me cry even harder.

‘I have to.’ His voice was heavy. ‘I can’t go on like this.’

‘When… when are you going to go?’

‘Now. I’ll pack some stuff for tonight and come back and get a bit more in a couple of days.’

When you’ve calmed down, he didn’t say. Or when you’re not here.

I couldn’t speak any more. I waited while he went to the bedroom and then the bathroom and heard him zip up his bag. Then he came back, put a gentle hand on my shoulder and said, ‘I’ll call you, okay?’

I couldn’t answer him.

I heard the front door open and close again behind him, and I sobbed and sobbed, my face in my hands.