Page 50 of All the Things We Never Knew

Orla nodded. ‘I knew there was someone. They both told me – Gray and Anna. When you said your name I knew who you were.’

I said, ‘I’m sorry. I really am. Sorry for what we did and now…’

‘Sorry that he’s gone. We all are. But for you it must be different. Harder.’

Her words brought a lump to my throat, but now wasn’t the time to cry. I thanked her and stepped past her into the bedroom, where Anna was lying still, breathing heavily, covered by the duvet.

‘Anna,’ I said. ‘It’s Laurel. How are you doing?’

Her eyes flickered and opened. They were unfocused and bloodshot, but her pupils looked normal.

‘Laurel,’ she muttered. ‘What the hell are you…?’

‘You fell and bumped your head. Do you know what day it is?’

‘Friday. Gray’s funeral.’

‘That’s right.’

‘My head fucking hurts.’

‘I know. Can you sit up and take some tablets?’

I put my arm around her shoulders and helped her into a sitting position, then handed her the water and paracetamol and waited while she sipped and swallowed.

‘What an idiot,’ she said, her words slurred. ‘I’ve made a right fool of myself.’

I shook my head. ‘It’s okay. No one will mind. You should rest and not worry about anything.’

‘The kids…?’

‘They’re with their aunt.’

‘Cathy or Sarah?’

‘I don’t know,’ I admitted, reassured by her relative lucidity. ‘One of your sisters, anyway. They’re just like you.’

She managed a smile. ‘Gray loved my family. He said becoming part of it was the best thing about marrying me. Maybe that was a red flag.’

I shook my head. ‘He loved you very much. You and the children. I’ve always known that.’

She looked at me with a hint of the spiky aggression I was used to seeing. But she didn’t have the strength to sustain it.

‘Why did you do it, then?’ Her tone was weary – almost resigned. ‘If you knew he loved us so much?’

‘I suppose in the beginning I didn’t,’ I admitted. ‘I knew he had a wife and children. I can’t hide from that. But I didn’t know… I didn’t know you.’

‘I suppose he told you his wife didn’t understand him.’ Her lips twisted into the sarcastic half-smile I was beginning to recognise.

I shook my head. ‘He never said that. He never said anything bad about you. Just recently – a few weeks ago – he told me you were an amazing mother.’

Her face sharpened. ‘He did? Why did he tell you that?’

Because I told him I wanted to be a mother. But I couldn’t reveal that to Anna.

‘I can’t remember,’ I lied. ‘Something about his own mother, maybe.’

‘What did he tell you about her?’ she demanded.