Page 16 of The Roommate Subtext

“I get it, I get it.” Blake sighed. “But I like this job. I like fundraising, knowing I’m working for environmental justice. I even like interacting with donors. I don’t want to risk giving PlantSeed any kind of negative press or compromising their work.” He’d weighed the pros and cons for weeks. Having made the decision, he’d thought it would be easier to live with.

“Maybe you could travel?” Andrew suggested.

Blake shook his head. They’d had different versions of this conversation more than once. “I don’t want to build community with people far away. It’s about the connections. I don’t know, maybe it would be enough if I had one person to enjoy it with. Play parties are fun, but they’re not the best part. I don’t want to feel like I’m letting this part of myself wither away.” And that brought him back to Rose, who he shouldn’t be putting any hopes on at all, especially not when they hadn’t even played together.

Andrew gave another sympathetic nod. “I’m sorry. That’s shitty.”

“I know I should be thankful. I’ve got a job I love, good friends, financial stability; much more than most people ever get.” He had a better life than most. But he was allowed to be lonely, right? He was allowed to want more.

“I know I’ve said it before, but there’s always dating apps.” Andrew sounded tentative, bringing it up again, and he trailed off when he saw Blake’s expression.

Blake tempered his knee-jerk response. “It’s not that they’re terrible. I know it’s how people date these days. I just … don’t like it.”

“You don’t like being vulnerable.” Andrew shrugged, too sure of his analysis for Blake’s comfort. “Dating is all about vulnerability.”

“Dating is about asking people to wound you.” Blake knew he sounded ridiculous but wasn’t about to back down. “One failed connection after another. Lots of work, minimal payoff.”

“And the play parties?”

Blake sighed. “The same thing, I guess. But at least there was kink involved.”

“You weren’t planning to meet your soulmate at a kink event?” Andrew was teasing him now, and normally Blake would be up for it, but the conversation was hitting too close to home and he felt somewhat stung instead. Andrew seemed to sense it and backpedaled. “I don’t mean to poke. I just want you to be happy.”

“I’m happy.” He was, generally, even if this conversation implied otherwise. “Really.”

“What about that roommate of yours? She single?”

Blake shrugged. He liked Maggie; had liked her from the moment they met up. She had answered his roommate ad and, while shaking his hand, she asked him point-blank if he was a serial killer so she could save herself the time. “Yeah, she’s single. But that’s a nonstarter.”

“Why?”

Blake snorted. “I seriously doubt she’s into the same things I am.”

“How would you even know—”

“And.” Blake interrupted. “I’m trying to keep my secrets secret, so I’m not about to go blabbing them to a writer.”

“But you’re a writer.”

“It’s different. She’s a journalist. I write grant applications.”

Andrew studied him for longer than was comfortable, making Blake respond “What?” more harshly than he intended.

“But you’re attracted to her.”

He could deny it, but Andrew knew him too well. “She’s pretty and smart, so yes. But it’s not going anywhere. We’re not even really friends friends. Only roommates.” They didn’t hang out, and they didn’t take meals together or watch shows together. And that was fine. It kept things simple.

“OK, OK, just asking.” Andrew held up his hands, a gesture of surrender.

“Speaking of attraction. How’s that guy you’ve been seeing? Zane, was it? You finally going to tell me about him?” Andrew had been giving “I’m really into this guy but scared to say anything lest I jinx it” energy the last time Blake had brought it up.

Andrew averted his eyes. “I wouldn’t say finally. We’ve only been on a handful of dates …”

“How many?”

“Eight.” Andrew bit his lip. “In the last three weeks. No, two weeks. Is that too much?”

Blake waved a hand. “I’m no expert. If it works for both of you, that’s all that matters.”