Page 38 of Just Past Two

“Yeah. Of course.” She leaned in closer to him, closing some of the distance. Anything to space her farther away from Stephan, who was exuding some serious pheromones, or maybe she was just extra neurotic today.

Fortunately, Jo stepped up alongside Stephan and reached out a hand to Abby and Sam in greeting. Jo was as beautiful as Stephan, with short black hair cut in a pixie cut and dark eyes that could see right through you. Thank God people couldn’t read minds, because Abby’s thoughts had been nonstop filthy about Jo’s husband.

“You working the room, hon?” Stephan looked down at his wife.

“You know me.” She returned his warm smile. “It’s been forever since I’ve seen you both. I keep being booked during all the seasonal parties. I have to let Stephan off loose on his own without a chaperone.” Her gaze, staring back up at him, was filled with pure affection. “And who knows what kind of mischief he’s been getting up to?”

“I’m always in trouble, honey, you know me.” Stephan kissed the top of her head. “You can see I’ve already picked out a beautiful woman to talk to while you were absent. Sam is barely keeping me at bay.”

He was kidding, obviously, but Abby flushed as Jo chuckled. “Ignore him, Abby, he’s terrible.” Jo reached out to squeeze Abby’s hand.

Abby, still blushing, shook her head. “It’s fine. He’s fine. I mean, I don’t mind. I don’t mind his comments. Or anybody’s comments.” Shit, she was making this worse. “Hey, honey, I’m going to…go grab a drink at the bar.” She ducked away from the conversation and headed straight for the bar.

He’s fine? I don’t mind anybody’s comments? Escape was the only option. If only she could stop picturing Stephan pinning her against the wall with his tall, athletic body, holding both hands up above her head with just one of his, his mouth teasing slow, lazy kisses down her neck while she wriggled helplessly against him…

“Abby?”

She turned to see Sam, eyebrows drawn together in puzzlement. “Are you okay?”

“I’m fine. I was just getting a drink.” Oh, but she wasn’t standing at the bar yet. She was near the bar, but she hadn’t approached it, instead staring into space on her own.

Sam was clearly not buying it. “Hey, babe, why don’t we duck off somewhere quiet and talk?” He took her by the hand, his grip insistent, almost too tight. “Right now.”

She let him pull her around the corner into the hallway leading to other parts of the banquet space, and then into a closet. He turned on a light. They were surrounded by shelves of holiday decorations. “What is up with you?” he asked. “You’ve been weird all night. Is this about what we talked about earlier? Are you mad at me or something?”

Ah, God, this was humiliating. “I’m not mad at you.” She put a hand to her head, like that might keep her emotions from welling up. Sam was a good guy. He didn’t deserve to be lied to, and he didn’t deserve the runaround she was giving him. “Look. I haven’t been honest with you.”

He stared at her, waiting, his whole body tense as he visibly braced for whatever she was going to say.

“I didn’t have a problem sleeping with Zach last weekend because I had a thing for him. But it’s not just him. I find a ton of guys attractive. You, obviously. I am so hot for you. But not just you. Other guys.” She let out a breath. Sam wasn’t talking yet, his expression still cautious, and she had to get all this out. “I slept with a lot of guys back in college, and you know that, and I’m not ashamed of that. I’m not. I know that’s nothing to be ashamed of.” Shit, this was way harder than she thought. “But that was old Abby. And I am embarrassed about her, me, who I used to be. Irresponsible, only caring about myself.” Her eyes prickled hotly with tears, and she blinked them back, because she was not going to cry. She took a shaky breath and kept going. “I don’t talk about college because I was a royal fuckup back then, and it almost ruined me. I was this close to flunking out, so, I decided to turn things around, and I left all that stuff behind. The dating around, the partying, the Campus Twenty. And then I found you. And you thought…you thought I was so wonderful, and I wanted to be wonderful for you. And I made a promise to you that I was going to be with you forever. You and only you. And I meant that. And now that we’re doing all these things, these dares, I’m seeing this other part of myself come back, and I’m…” She closed her eyes. “I’m ashamed of her.”

She took a minute to catch her breath before opening her eyes. Sam went to speak, but she held up a hand. “No wait. Let me finish. I shouldn’t be that person anymore. I should have grown up. I should have become more mature. And now, I’m here in this party, and I’m looking around at all these guys, and I’m thinking about…” Shit, she might as well make this as bad as it could get. “I’m thinking about them fucking me. I’m having these fantasies that I just should not be having, and I’m embarrassed, and I feel like it’s all started because we opened the floodgates with Zach, and we opened things up a little, and I don’t know how to close them again.” She twisted her hands together, thumbs pressing into the skin, the sensation some way to anchor herself and keep from flying apart. “I love you, and I don’t want to lose you. And I’m sorry.”

She braced herself for his response, whatever that might be.

…

Abby had to be kidding. There had to be another part of this story, the one where her literal freak-out made some sense. But that was it: she was still attracted to other men, and apparently, feeling really guilty about it.

“I don’t understand.”

She looked away. “I know. I know you’re probably disappointed in me, and you might be a little disgusted. I know it was hot when it was Zach, but that was a one-time thing, a fantasy. I don’t plan to act on any of these feelings, obviously. But I don’t want you to be disappointed in me.”

“No, I mean, I don’t understand why you think I’d be upset by this.”

“Because I’m turned on by other men!” she said. “Like Stephan! I think he’s gorgeous, okay?”

“He is gorgeous—” Sam began, but Abby cut him off.

“Yeah, and I keep thinking about him, like, pushing me up against the wall and fucking me. Putting his hands all over me.” She seemed to realize she was getting loud, and she clapped a hand over her mouth, and glanced toward the closet door. Outside in the hallway, everything was silent, and she continued a little quieter. “I don’t want to cheat on you, Sam. I don’t want you to think I ever would. I feel so fucking guilty about all of this. And it’s all because of this game, because of this stupid game, and I’m having these feelings that I’ve been able to hide for years, and I can’t hide them anymore.”

Oh, Abby. He wanted so badly to touch her, and he started with her hands, gently closing her twisting fingers in his to try to settle them. “Abby, if I didn’t want you to sleep with someone else, would you do it anyway?”

“Of course not, that’s what I mean. I would never do anything to betray you.” She was starting to get worked up, her voice catching.

“What if.” He cupped her hands from both sides, holding hers gently. “What if I wanted you to sleep with someone else? Like with Zach. What if I wanted that again?”

Abby’s face twisted in a confused grimace. “I don’t know why you’d want that.”