Page 103 of Just Past Two

“Sure.” Silas smiled.

“I’m going to shower.” Matthew got up from his chair. “Feel free to screw around on the Internet, or whatever.”

While Matthew showered, he hummed a song to himself, feeling unusually cheerful. The prospect of having a new gamer under his tutelage was making him positively giddy, excited in a way he hadn’t been in a long time. Gaming was fun, but nothing beat gaming with someone else, especially someone who was getting to experience the joy of it for the first time. Dungeon-crawling games were some of his favorites. There was nothing like looking for the perfect gear set for a build, searching for just the right pieces of armor and weaponry while destroying monsters at every turn. He hoped Silas found Diablo as much fun as he did. The guy would probably be killer at strategy games, since he was one of those analytical types by nature, but maybe they’d get there next week.

After his shower, he emerged from the bathroom refreshed and ready for a day of teaching Silas to loaf properly. Silas, as he predicted, was on the computer. He took a minute to set Zuul up in her cart so she could roam more freely. Then he pulled up a chair alongside Silas.

Silas had the internal job posting from Will up on the screen. Matthew felt his guard go up immediately, especially at the expectant look on Silas’s face.

“Is this something you’re considering?” Silas shifted in his chair to face Matthew. “You changed the subject pretty quickly last night.”

“You shouldn’t be reading my email.” Matthew minimized the window, suddenly feeling tense.

“You had it open on the screen already.” Silas looked at the blank screen, then at Matthew. “Have you applied yet?”

“I haven’t made up my mind.” Shit, he did not want to get into this right now. “Come on. Let me show you Diablo III. It’s what we call a dungeon-crawler game because mostly you’re fighting your way through dungeons. You kill monsters and get treasure to upgrade your character.”

Silas frowned, but he didn’t object as Matthew opened the game and got him started on an easy level. Matthew watched Silas play, eyebrows drawn together in concentration, and hoped that the game would be enough distraction for Silas to avoid bringing up the promotion again. He wasn’t sure why he was so averse to talking about it, but it was a decision he wanted to make on his own.

After Silas cleared the dungeon, he let out a deep breath. During the game, he’d come to lean forward toward the screen, and now he relaxed back in his chair and dropped his arms to his side. “Okay,” he admitted, nodding. “I can see the appeal. It has a clear goal and reward system, with enough frequent positive reinforcement to be addicting.”

Matthew rolled his eyes. “Yeah, we all understand the psychology. But was it fun?”

Silas looked back at the screen and pursed his lips. “Yes, I suppose it’s fun. But do you only play games with explosions and blood?”

“Oh my god.” Matthew looked up at the ceiling. “Do I need to put the parental controls on my systems for you? It’s a cartoon, Silas. It’s not real blood. They aren’t real demons, either.”

Silas sighed. “I know, Matthew.” He rested his arms on the desk chair, turning back and forth in thought, before looking over at Matthew again. “So you’re working at the bar again tonight?”

“Yup.” Matthew gestured to the screen. “You want to try a harder level?”

Silas ignored the attempt to deflect the conversation, staring thoughtfully at the screen for a minute, before turning back to Matthew. “You know, if you got the promotion at your job, you probably wouldn’t have to bartend anymore.”

Matthew felt a mounting wave of annoyance. “I like bartending. It’s fun.”

Silas drummed his fingers on the chair. “Is that why you do everything? Because it’s fun?”

The annoyance was progressing to irritation now, and a twinge of defensiveness. This was not a conversation Matthew wanted to have. “I don’t do everything because it’s fun. I do responsible things, too. I have a good job.” Yeah, he sounded really defensive now. It was hard not to, though, with Silas’s tone. “Are you going to play the fucking game or not?”

“I don’t understand how you think you can give your all to two different jobs.” Silas’s stare was neutral, matter-of-fact, which seemed ludicrous considering how Matthew’s anger was growing by the minute. “You should choose one. If you’re going to do programming, at least you could put your heart into it. Apply for the promotion.”

Fuck, no, he was not going to talk about this with Silas. “I’m not having this conversation now. Let’s just stop.” Matthew got up from the chair, pacing into the kitchen to get a glass of water and calm down. His hands were shaking, and he pressed them down on the counter to steady them, his back to Silas.

He heard the creak from the desk chair as Silas got up, and felt him enter the kitchen. “Why are you running away? I don’t think I’m being unreasonable. You have a very good opportunity here if you’re willing to take it. Are you afraid of failing? Is that it?”

Matthew was startled by the hot wave of anger and shame in his stomach.

Silas continued. “It’s okay to be afraid of failure. My therapist says that the root of—”

“I don’t give a damn what your therapist says,” Matthew interrupted, turning around. “I’m not afraid of failure, okay? I don’t see why you even care about this. Can’t you just shut up and play the stupid game?”

Silas tipped his head to the side. He looked like a confused bird, and it would have been adorable if Matthew weren’t so incredibly frustrated right now. “I thought I was your boyfriend now. I’m supposed to want what’s best for you, and I do. I don’t want to see you wasting your life playing video games and working at a bar.”

Oh, bad word choice. Matthew saw red, fists clenching, fingernails digging into his palms. “You think I’m wasting my life?” he asked, his tone dangerously quiet.

Silas’s eyebrows drew together as he frowned, puzzled. “Gaming is fun and all, Matthew, but come on. It’s not the same as engineering. If you aren’t going to choose a serious career, you could at least be serious about it and apply for the promotion with some actual responsibility.”

The hurt and anger came so fast and so close together that Matthew had a hard time telling them apart. “And you think I’d be better off like you, then? A neurotic insomniac with so many issues he can’t take a day off from work until his supervisors literally force him out of the building? You want me to ruin my life, too?”