Page 117 of Lucky Haven

She glances back at me as she takes the first step. “Will you help me get clean?”

Fuck.

I want to. God damn it, I want to. I’ll give her my body and soul, whatever she needs to wipe away the pain from tonight. But there’s something I need to say first.

At the foot of the stairs, I sweep her into my arms again and carry her into the bathroom, where I set her on the counter.

When she got ready for the wedding, putting on this pretty dress and lovely sandals, she wasn’t sure about me. I’d let her down, and coming to her rescue tonight doesn’t absolve me of that mistake.

I kneel in front of her and undo the straps at her ankles. First her right foot, then her left. Carefully, I avoid the red marks from the zip ties as I caress my hands up her calves, to the hem of her dress. “You really did look beautiful today. You always do.”

Her face crumples. “I didn’t feel beautiful tonight.”

I surge to my feet, the rest of what I was going to say immediately set aside. “What did he say to you?”

“A bunch of nonsense.” She sucks in a sharp breath. “I realized tonight that, most of all, I make Jeb uncomfortable. And I have for a long time. And after I outgrew the teenage years, where all he saw when he looked at me was the potential of something, he was furious that I changed.”

“You grew up. You became a fully formed adult.”

“He tried to justify it in other ways, but yes, that’s exactly it. I didn’t realize how much his early interest in me messed with my head until I had to stare his distaste in the face tonight. He didn’t know what to do with me.”

“That’s not about you.” I can’t have her thinking less of herself because that twisted asshole didn’t think she was pretty.

“I know.” She sucks in a quick breath. “I actually think he wouldn’t know what to do with any grown woman, which is why he never married. It wasn’t until I really provoked him that he snapped and reached for sexual violence as a way to control me. I don’t know if he could have raped me, even though he wanted to, I think. Just to punish me. It wouldn’t have been about attraction.”

“Fuck. I wish I’d gotten there sooner. I hate that you had to think about that. You were so strong.”

“I thought about you.” She gives me a tremulous smile. “All I could think of was you. How you make me feel loved.”

“I do love you. I’m so sorry I couldn’t say it when you did. That was fucking dumb.”

“Don’t say that. It’s okay.”

“It’s not. I want to be everything you need. And that includes saying words that scare me. Not because they aren’t true, but because they are. My entire life, love has been terrifying and scarce at the same time.” My fingers are fucking shaking as I work my hands around her back, unzipping her dress. “A long time ago, I made some unconscious rules for myself, and I never considered what that would mean when I met my person. Rules that protect me, but hurt you, aren’t rules I want for myself. Even if they’re unconscious, even if you understand them. You said that a foundational rule of our relationship is that it needs to be mutually beneficial, and I agree.”

“That was when it was all fake.”

“It was never fake for me. I thought you needed that. I thought that was a smart way to have you for a little while, knowing I would have to let you go. But I always wanted you to be mine, for real. And if that isn’t clear by now, then I want to re-negotiate the terms of our relationship. Immediately.”

Chapter Forty-Two

Haven

Cash releases his hold on me just long enough to unbutton his own shirt, baring his chest. He drops it to the floor, followed by the rest of his clothes, his heavy belt buckle landing with a thud. He strips all the way naked, until he’s standing in front of me wearing nothing but raw emotion all over his face.

His fierce expression takes my breath away.

If I hadn’t already figured out—at the worst possible moment—that he’d already showed me he loved me, I would see it now. I don’t need him to explain further.

“You don’t need to force words that don’t come naturally,” I promise him, pressing my hands to his bare chest. He has a tattoo for his mother just below his collarbone, and I trace it with my fingertips. “You can love me however comes easiest to you. That’s more than enough for me.”

“It’s not enough for me. I want you to be loved in every way, not just what’s easy. But I don’t know if I’m the right man. I’ve never been worthy. Of anything. Anyone. Definitely not you. I barely made it out of high school. I fucked up my time in the army. I was too stubborn to take a plea deal and stay out of jail. Loving me cost my family so much.”

“They adore you. Still, to this day.”

He drags in a ragged breath.

I pull him right against me, his naked body fitting perfectly between my thighs. He sags into me, this rough, fearless, dangerous man who didn’t hesitate to save my life—and then spared Jeb’s, too.