Page 78 of I Fell for an Alien Popstar

“I thought I was going to have one thing that was mine,” she said.

I blinked.

“What?”

“One thing,” she repeated. “Not for the label. Not for the fans. Not for the cameras. Not something Sira could put into a schedule or Tev could turn into a campaign.”

Her fingers tightened around her knees.

“I thought I could have this with you. This little piece of time where you were here because you wanted to be with me. Not because you had a contract or a role or something else tying you to the tour.”

My chest tightened.

“Zhar…”

“I know that sounds selfish,” she said quickly. “I know you are allowed to have a life outside of me. I know that. But I thought…” She swallowed. “I thought this could be the one thing I didn’t have to share with everyone else.”

Her eyes flicked toward me, hurt and embarrassed.

“And now Tev has found a way to make you part of the machine too.”

“That isn’t what I meant,” I said. “I’m not choosing the job instead of you.”

“But you didn’t think to talk to me first,” she said.

“I—” I started, then stopped. “I didn’t think I needed to. I didn’t think it was a big deal, Zhari. We’ll have more time together now.”

I reached for her hands.

She pulled away, leaning back as if my touch burned. Her shoulders went rigid, and she sat up straight, her jaw tight.

My stomach dipped.

As soon as I said it, I knew it was the wrong thing.

Her expression didn’t crack, but something behind her eyes did. She looked away for a second, blinking hard.

“You didn’t think you needed to,” she echoed.

“No… I really didn’t. I’m not saying your opinion doesn’t matter,” I muttered. “It’s just—it’s my job. My work. It felt like… like if I waited until I’d gotten everyone’s blessing, I’d never do it. And I’ve spent my whole life doing that. Waiting. Shrinking. Letting other people tell me what I’m allowed to want.”

A bitter little laugh slipped out of Zhari as she continued looking away from me.

“I didn’t want to do that again,” I added more softly.

She stared past me for a long moment, out at the city.

“Do you know what it looked like from here?” she asked finally. “From where I have been standing?”

“What?” I asked, my voice thin.

“You telling Tev yes the moment he put something big and terrifying in front of you,” she said. “While the universe put something bigger and more terrifying in front of you weeks ago, and you told it, ‘Not yet.’”

My heart was pounding so fast that I felt lightheaded. I put my sketchbook down and ran my hands over my thighs until they landed on my knees. I squeezed them and let out a long breath I had been holding.

“That’s not—” I began, then clamped my mouth shut.

Because it was true, in a way.