Page 31 of Spies Don’t Fall for Their Best Friend

“We’re not talking one dinner or one gala date,” Mackenzie says. “A real relationship. Someone he calls first with news, or because he wants to hang out, or because he wants to talk about his day.”

“Someone he brings to Monday night family dinners,” Zoe says.

“Or,” Livi says, “someone whose texts he responds to before yours.”

“Someone who becomes his new favorite person,” Charlie says in a quieter voice.

Spelling it out like that kind of forces me to picture it, and the shock of it hits me. Miles laughing with someone else. Sharing little moments like the ones I share with him. Collecting inside jokes and references until they understand each other with only a look or a phrase, the way Miles and I do. My stomach twists, and it takes a moment before I can respond. “Yeah, I’d be fine,” I manage to squeak out.

I am not fine.

I definitely do not enjoy imagining him with another woman. A single date? Sure. A girlfriend? Ouch.

I clear my throat. “So, Charlie. Did we get through your list of things we need to plan for the baby shower?”

Or, in other words, let’s talk about anything else.

Charlie gives me a long, searching look before she turns her focus to her clipboard. “Mostly. We still haven’t divvied up who is bringing a relish tray and who is picking up my grandparents from the airport on Thursday.”

“I can’t wait to meet them,” Zoe says. “From all the family lore I’ve heard about them, I’m convinced the stories they tell about the people they meet are actually coded reports, and we just don’t know the cipher yet.”

“Once, when I was little,” Charlie says, “I asked Grandpa how airplanes stayed up. He spent the next hour helping me make paper airplanes with different wings until I figured it out myself.”

Mackenzie still hasn’t taken her eyes off me. “I think Reese and Miles should pick them up.”

Mackenzie didn’t get the talk about anything else memo strongly enough. “Yeah, of course. We’d be happy to,” I say, and then turn to head into the nursery part of this giant store.

Everyone follows, and I work on breathing normally and appearing as if I’m paying attention to the cribs and bedding Mackenzie is looking at, all while trying not to think about Miles or babies or hard questions.

There’s a cute little decorated area that looks like part of a room. It has both books and bees—my two favorite things. I focus on that, and everything gets better.

Better enough that by the time we drift into the rocking chair section, I’ve dropped my guard, and we all start trying them out. Some have padding. Some have a seat formed for a very specific bum. Some are classic rocking chairs, and some are gliders. We try them all.

Mackenzie is trying to decide between two, and she sits down in one, her cute belly looking bigger than when she’s standing. After a moment, she angles her left arm like she’s cradling a baby, her right like she’s holding a bottle, testing out how the rocking chair would be with a baby.

It’s such an achingly sweet moment that it only takes a few seconds before I have to turn away. Bees. Bees and books. That’s what I need. I wander back to the cute room example.

A moment later, Charlie comes over next to me to look at them, too. In a quiet voice, she asks, “You doing okay? I’m guessing it’s hard to be here.”

Outside of my parents, my brother, and the oncology team I had as a teenager, Charlie is the only one who knows I’m never going to walk through a baby store with my hand on my own protruding belly.

“No. I’m totally fine,” I lie.

She nods. “If you need to leave, it’s okay.”

“Thanks. But I’m good.”

And I am. This is nothing new. It’s only because we’ve been surrounded by so many baby things and talking babies so much that it’s affecting me.

In fact, by the time we get to high chairs and play pens, I’ve totally recovered and can discuss whether babies actually enjoy play pens or if they’re just tiny minimum-security prisons. The conversation gets us all laughing, and the heaviness eases.

Charlie’s phone chimes with the sound that only belongs to Owen, and she whips her phone out so fast she nearly drops her shower planning folder. A smile spreads across her face. “Owen just reached Ellicott City, so he should be here in thirty minutes!”

The girl is so giddy to see her boyfriend after nearly two weeks without him that I’m worried she’s going to drop both her folder and her clipboard as she texts him back.

Zoe watches Charlie for a moment, then she says to all of us, “I’m going to propose to Ledger.”

Everyone immediately reacts. Loudly enough that shoppers all around us turn to look. Charlie squeals. Mackenzie is the first to hug Zoe, then we all pile in. I’m so happy for them that I think I might cry. It’s been a long time coming.