Page 74 of Always Be My Pumpkin

‘It was me.’ I reach out and take his hands. ‘But it wasn’t to make up for the graffiti.’ I gulp a breath. ‘I got your letter.’

My gaze drops as I think about the words he wrote. And I spot his padded orange middle with the string of Zzzz’s across the centre. My eyes pop wide as I pull back to take it in. ‘You found a sleepy pumpkin costume!’ I squeal way too loud, but it is really cute.

The whole bar erupts with laughter and my face flames beneath my make-up. I forgot they were still watching.

Flynn laughs so hard his padded middle shakes. ‘Actually, I improvised.’ He taps his chest to catch his breath. ‘I got the costume in Cricket Falls and I put the letters on myself. I thought I’d have to cut up an old shirt, but Pat suggested the party shop in Abbeyville, and they had these stick-on ones.’ He rubs his middle proudly. ‘I think I look cool.’

‘I think you look hot.’

‘Really?’ He leans closer, and I inhale that sweet verbena smell, and my skin tingles. But then Flynn frowns and pulls back.

‘Hold on. What letter?’ He tugs at his fringe and his floppy orange hat falls to the ground, and I notice Sarah ushering people back to give us more space. They are all still watching, though. And listening.

Flynn drops his voice. ‘I got your letter and I jumped on the next flight. But I didn’t write back. There wasn’t time.’

‘Your first letter, Flynn.’ I reach out and take his hand. ‘The one you wrote before your family left for Cricket Falls.’

His eyes drop to the floor. ‘You mean the one you said wasn’t a proper goodbye? That really hurt, Gracie. Maybe I shouldn’t have told you how I felt, but I wanted to be honest.’

‘I’m so sorry.’ I tug his hand and lead him to our table. Then I realise everyone’s still holding their signs, and they’re all still watching and waiting, so I flick my eyes to Sarah and mouth give us five minutes and she gestures for everyone to sit back down. I hear lots of disgruntled murmuring, but I squeeze in beside Flynn and ignore them for now. I’ve waited ten years. They can wait a few more minutes.

‘Your letter was beautiful,’ I say softly. ‘It was everything I hoped you’d write back then.’

‘But then why?’ His voice sounds hoarse and aching, and it kills me to think how much I hurt him.

‘When I said you didn’t write me a proper goodbye, I didn’t mean the letter you wrote before you left. Because I never got that letter, Flynn.’ His face pinches in confusion and I hold his gaze as I go on. ‘Jamie stole it from my locker and kept it from me all this time. I only got to read it for the first time this morning.’

Flynn goes as pale as Edward Cullen, then groans like he’s been stabbed. ‘I’ll kill him.’ He squeezes his eyes shut. ‘I mean, I won’t, but fuck, I really want to.’

‘You’ll have to get in line.’ I take both his hands in mine and hold on tight. ‘And for what it’s worth, I loved you too, and I would have asked. I should have asked you anyway.’

He sniffs hard. I think he’s even closer to tears than I am. I loosen my grip, but Flynn threads his fingers through mine. ‘No, Gracie.’ His voice cracks. ‘I was the one who left. I should have written every day until you answered.’

‘But you thought I was with Jamie,’ I blurt out, my breath coming hard and fast now. ‘And you thought I loved him.’

He shakes his head. ‘I don’t think I ever believed that. Not really.’

‘Then why didn’t you come back?’ I hear the hurt in my tone, and I hesitate, but I need to know. ‘I get that you couldn’t while Elaine was sick, but later, when she was well again . . .’

‘I did come back once,’ he says quietly. ‘But you were gone.’ I hear the agony in his voice as he adds, ‘And I called you after that. But you never called me back.’

I feel like I’ve been punched in the stomach as I realise how many awful choices I made. But I can’t change the past. All I can do is make better choices from now on.

I straighten my shoulders and take a deep breath. ‘I know you and Natalie broke up because of me. Because of your promise.’

Flynn scrapes his hand along his jaw. ‘Why do you keep bringing up Natalie? We’ve been over for two years.’

‘Yes, but you still care for her. And I’m guessing she still cares for you.’

He frowns, but I keep going.

‘I didn’t mean those things I said, about us being an unresolved issue, just a shag, but I felt so guilty about your break-up, and I thought I should let you have a chance to be happy. With Natalie.’

Flynn’s eyes widen and he opens his mouth to speak, but I shake my head. I need him to hear this.

‘But Jamie took my choice away from me, and I don’t want to do the same to you. I don’t need you to stay, Flynn. But I want you to. I really want you to. And I want you to know how I feel before you make up your mind.’

‘Gracie, I don’t—’