Page 54 of Always Be My Pumpkin

Tim sighs and Pat turns to face me again. ‘You’re the reason they broke up.’

‘What?’ Sarah squeaks across the table. ‘How can it be Gracie’s fault? She didn’t see Flynn all those years.’ She sniffs. ‘He didn’t even come back to visit her. Not once.’

I never got to tell her that the reason he came home two years ago was, at least partly, to comfort me.

‘Of course it wasn’t Gracie’s fault,’ Pat says softly. ‘But Natalie got some notion in her head. I think she found Flynn reading through your letter.’

Sarah swivels her head to face me, eyes wide.

I feel bad I never told her, but she was with Scott, and Scott was team Jamie, and it was easier not to mention it. It was only a letter.

‘I wrote to him after Jamie and I broke up that time. Before I went to London.’ I swallow. ‘I used to tell him everything. Before. And I missed that.’

She nods in understanding and I slouch back against the couch.

Pat clears his throat. ‘Natalie wasn’t happy about it. She told him she wanted him to move in with her, but first he had to choose.’

‘But he didn’t move in with her,’ I say, and Pat shakes his head.

‘No. He didn’t.’

I wonder if that’s what Flynn was talking about when he told his mother that he regretted holding back.

‘I’m not sure what happened exactly, or what was said, and like Tim says, it’s not really my place.’

He goes quiet, then adds, ‘Flynn should be the one to tell you that.’

‘But why would they break up just because he got a letter from a friend? A friend he hadn’t spoken to in years.’

‘I don’t know.’ Pat sighs. ‘But I do know she didn’t want him writing to you, or calling you, or flying back to see you.’

‘Oh.’ My heart sinks like a stone and I drop my sandwich quarter back down on my plate. ‘I see.’

I’ve been wrapped up in worries about losing Flynn’s friendship and fixated on plans to keep him in my life. I haven’t given nearly enough thought to how those plans affect him, how they could mess up his chance of working things out with Natalie.

If our friendship is the reason they broke up, then he’ll have a far better chance of happiness if I give Natalie what she asked for. Flynn promised me once that he’d always be my friend, and I know he won’t go back on that promise. That’s not who he is.

I’ll have to be tough enough for both of us. I’ll have to be the one to let go.

25

‘The library looks fabulous,’ Gemma says as we take our tour of the building on Monday morning.

Gemma looks fabulous too. She always does, with her striking copper bob, oversized retro specs, and tailored teal suit. I’m glad I pulled out my favourite dress this morning. Still ditsy, still floaty, but clean and freshly ironed, and with my fitted green cardi, I hope it says smart, practical librarian. Definitely worth promoting, please.

She scans the space and her eyes widen as she takes in the scene. ‘It’s an autumn wonderland in here.’

‘Thanks.’ I beam proudly. ‘I had a lot of help from the knit and crochet group.’

I lead her through the children’s area and point to the smiling black cat I knitted in my lunch breaks. She’s propped in the middle of our picture book display, wearing Tim’s cast-off specs, and holding up Old MacPumpkin had a Farm.

‘And the children are making Samhain crafts next week. It’ll look more like Halloween town when they’re finished but as long as they have fun.’

‘I’ll have to come back and see that.’ Gemma smiles.

As county librarian, she drops in to each branch every few months to check on progress and chat to the staff. But this morning she scheduled separate meetings with Gertrude and me, to fill us in on her plans. I wondered why she didn’t chat to us together as Ella was happy to cover the desk. But then she grilled me for half an hour on library policy, and I think I had an impromptu mock interview without realising it.

‘You’re doing an excellent job here, Gracie. And you’re ready for Thursday. If you answer the interview questions the way you did mine, you’ll be first on the panel.’