Page 47 of Always Be My Pumpkin

‘You want to shag me?’

I nod. God, yes.

‘Not have sex with me? Not make love to me? Shag me?’ He shakes his head, fake frowning like he’s so disappointed, but I can tell by the upward curve of his mouth, the light in his eyes, that he’s not. I want that mouth on mine, his eyes on my body, those damn clothes off his body now.

He loosens his grip on my waist, and I pull up a few inches to slide my hand between us. God, I need him naked, so bad. ‘I don’t care what you call it, Flynn. Screw, shag, whatever. Just take these off.’ I snatch at his T-shirt, tug the top button of his jeans.

‘So rude.’ He grips me tight again and lands one firm slap on my ass, and I gasp into his chest. Oh boy, we are way past friends now. Then I’m on my back again, and Flynn’s T-shirt is gone, and I’m fumbling desperately with the buttons of his jeans.

‘Gracie.’ He takes my hands, pins them with his palms again. ‘I’ve waited ten years. I’m not going to rush this.’ His eyes hold mine and I’m not that sixteen-year-old girl any more, and he’s not that boy. But we’re still us. I feel it deep in my centre. It’s everything.

His lips brush mine but they don’t linger. His mouth sweeps down my throat to the swell of my breasts and his teeth tug at the lace of my bra. ‘You’re so sexy. This is so sexy. But it has to go.’ He releases my hands and reaches behind me to unhook the clasp, but I get there first. My nipples are tight, my whole body on fire, but Flynn takes his time like he said he would, mapping my body like he’s burning me into his brain. And it should feel weird, this is Flynn and me, but it feels so right, it feels perfect, like sweet summer rain on parched desert sand.

His eyes lift to mine then he lowers his head, inhaling, tasting, devouring me with his mouth until I’m trembling and gasping and moaning out swear words I’ve never used before, not once in my life. His hands take over, thumbs circling my nipples, teasing, and pinching, and driving me crazy as his tongue licks down my belly, inching lower until his lips graze the powder-blue lace between my thighs.

He trails his fingers down the curve of my waist to my hipbone, hooks one thumb beneath the strip of lace at my side. ‘These have to go too.’ His voice is low and urgent, but he moves his hands to either side of me, leaving me space, telling me with his eyes this decision is mine. I don’t hesitate; there’s no doubt in my mind. I reach down and tear off the last scrap of fabric between my body and Flynn’s. I need him free. Unconstrained. I need him everywhere.

He dips his head between my thighs and the rasp of stubble against skin blazes heat through my core. I never craved this with Jamie, I always felt too vulnerable, too exposed. But everything about this feels natural, and Flynn’s touch is so careful and deliberate, like he’s been planning this for years. My body pulses, my mind unravels, and my hands twist through his hair, as his tongue licks and flicks and circles, and fingers follow, purposefully stroking, over and over, until a hot jolt of pleasure shoots through me and I cry out his name.

Flynn groans low and satisfied as though he’s the one coming back from a mind-melting orgasm, body trembling with aftershocks, but I’m pretty sure that’s me. I gaze down as his eyes lift to mine, glinting through the low dusky light.

‘You okay, Gracie?’ The corners of his mouth curve as he glides up to meet me, but all I manage is a soft silky purr. His eyes glisten. ‘Think you could take a little more?’

His smile is delicious, and he nuzzles my earlobe, and that sweet verbena smell mixed with musky male sweat drives me crazy, and my gaze travels down his broad chest to the tight, toned lines of his stomach, and I feel him hard and pulsing against me.

Fuck. That’s not little. But I want it. I’ll take it. I’ll take everything Flynn wants to give me and I know I’ll always crave more. My breath catches, my mouth waters, and my head fills with all the ways I could make Flynn cry my name the same way he made me cry out his. But I’m still drowsy, sinking beneath the warm, heady weight of pleasure, and I’ve waited too, years of yearning, years of missing him so much, and I need his body in mine.

I clutch at the waistband of his jeans. ‘I left condoms in the locker.’

He lifts his head, and he must see the sheer desperate greed in my eyes because he reaches into the locker then tugs off his jeans and boxers with a groan even hungrier than my own, and I almost come again at the sight of him. I don’t even know who I am any more.

‘Fuck, Gracie. Fuck,’ is all he says, voice hoarse, breath ragged, as I arch up to take him, mouth moaning swear words into the soft skin at his throat, fingers clawing the firm muscle of his thighs, because I can’t get close enough, I just can’t, until I can, and as the wind howls outside our window, and Flynn moves harder, faster, deeper, all those sad, lonely years of missing him so much wash away, and my vision goes blurry and heat surges through me, and I’m lost on a wave of pure, perfect pleasure, and I don’t think about the morning, I don’t think about tomorrow, because nothing else matters, because we’ll always have this.

22

‘Should we talk now? About this? About us?’ Flynn threads a hand through my hair, rubs the nape of my neck with his thumb. We finished the pizza he went downstairs to heat up, and he told me while we were eating that he’s booked a flight home to talk to his parents about Pat’s plans. But we haven’t talked about anything else yet. We haven’t talked about us.

His voice is tender, expression hopeful, as he waits for my answer. And I should say yes, let’s rip off that plaster and get all the stuff I’d rather not think about out of the way before we do this again. But he’s leaving early Sunday morning, and I know he’s coming back, but I also know that the next time he leaves it might be forever. And I’d like to hold on to the feeling that this could be real, for one more night.

‘Talk about what?’ I say teasingly. I wrap my leg around his and shuffle over so I’m lying on top, my arms bracketing either side of his head, my hair loose and messy and tickling his bare shoulders and chest. ‘You shagging me? How many times now?’

‘I did ask nicely first.’ He laughs. ‘Anyway, you’re the one who put it out there that you planned to shag me, like some guy you picked up in a bar.’ He drops a light smack to the top of my thigh, but he doesn’t look the least bit offended to me.

‘I couldn’t think about anything else all day.’ He rolls me over so he’s the one on top, and by the look he gives me I don’t think we’ll be talking for much longer. ‘You’re lucky I didn’t climb in beside you earlier before I went for that pizza. But I’m glad I didn’t.’ He closes his eyes for a beat, and I know exactly what he’s thinking, but he tells me anyway. ‘Fuck, Gracie, the sight of you stretched across that bed, like you were waiting for me, like you were every single fantasy I’d been picturing since I picked up that note.’ His eyes go dark. ‘Everything I’ve wanted for . . .’

He stops talking and his mouth finds mine, and part of me wonders where that sentence was going. Has Flynn been crushing on me for as long as I’ve been crushing on him? But the rest of me is lost to this feeling that right now I have everything I can ask for. I’ve got my best friend here with me. I’m having the best sex of my life. I’m making all the perfect memories I told myself would be enough to get me through the lonely times when Flynn goes back to Cricket Falls.

I’ve spent my whole life trying to be the good girl, the one who keeps people happy in the hope that they’ll stay. And just for one night I want to let myself feel what I feel and not worry about the consequences, not care about tomorrow. Just for one night I want to feel like I could be enough. I pull back from his kiss and drink in his face in the warm golden light. I want to hold this moment so the imprint will linger long after he’s gone.

‘Maybe we can talk tomorrow, or when you get back from Cricket Falls.’ I trace my finger across the curve of his lips, soft and swollen from all our kissing. ‘Let’s just enjoy this for now. We only have one more day before you leave again, let’s make the most of our time.’

‘If you’re sure that’s what you want, Gracie. Whatever you want.’ He kisses me again, slow and tender, then tracks a path down my throat to the hollow between my breasts, dropping kisses soft as velvet, like ripples across the lake on a light autumn breeze.

And this time it’s easy, sleepy morning sex. We’re barely moving, just holding, my core clenching around him, like I can keep him like this, like I’ll never let him go. And Flynn’s heart thrumming in time with my own, and the swell of him inside me, filling me completely, and I’m floating, waves building, crashing over me and through me, every molecule of my body shuddering and breaking, and I don’t even know I’m crying until he wipes away a tear and kisses me softly and asks if I’m okay, and I whisper yes, I’m perfect, you’re perfect, because this is all I’ll ever want, all I’ll ever need.

I make cheese and mushroom omelettes the next morning as we’re both starving. I stretch as I watch the pan sizzle, and Flynn laughs because he knows every muscle in my body aches in the most delicious way. He might be used to working out, but I haven’t had a workout like that in a very long time. His phone rings while we’re finishing our breakfast and when he moves over to the couch to take the call, I point to let him know I’m going upstairs.

‘Okay, Mom, sure,’ he says as he drops down on the couch with his back to me. ‘I’m looking forward to seeing you too.’ Then after a short pause, ‘Don’t worry about it, it’s not your fault. And it’s okay, I called her again, I sorted it out.’ I’m wondering who he’s talking about when he adds, ‘Meghan’s a lovely girl. She’s just not the girl for me.’