Page 43 of Always Be My Pumpkin

‘All I know is Jamie gets in my head.’ I stare down at the table, tugging at a soggy coaster until it comes apart between my fingers. ‘Especially about Flynn. I need time on my own to figure out what I want, without someone always telling me how to feel.’ I’m talking to myself as much as Sarah, thinking out loud, trying to process, but Sarah’s used to me by now.

‘So, I guess you won’t be hooking up with Flynn then?’ I look up and she gives me the head tilt she normally saves for funerals and break-ups and all the worst kinds of news. ‘Pity. But I see your point. Ten years is a long time and maybe you do need to take a breather, focus on you for a change.’

‘Yeah, I think I do.’ My chest feels tight as I heave out a breath. ‘Anyway, I don’t think Flynn’s going to be in Oakwood much longer.’

I picture his face this evening when I dashed back to change my clothes. He was on the couch, staring at his phone. I asked if he was okay, if he wanted to talk.

And he sighed like he had the weight of the world on his shoulders and said, Dad’s putting pressure on Mom to persuade me to sell Hazel Cottage. So, I called and told him that it’s my life, my cottage, and I’ll decide what to do with it. He wasn’t happy, and now he and Mom are fighting. She’s really cross with him, which isn’t like her. I think she’s worried I won’t come back. I need to go home and talk to them both. About my future. My plans.

‘Taking on the shop would be a huge commitment,’ I say. ‘Maybe he and Pat will rent it out instead. And Flynn could keep renting out Hazel Cottage. Then he could go anywhere he wants.’

‘So could you.’ Sarah nods encouragingly. ‘You’re free as a bird now.’

‘I’m exactly where I want to be.’ I sip my water, take a breath. ‘I love being back here, working in the library, walking through the woods at the weekends, sitting on our bench looking out over the lake.’

‘Our bench? Do we have a bench?’

‘What? No. I mean a bench . . . sitting on any bench.’

I mean mine and Flynn’s, of course. Our bench, our favourite tree, our same spot on the grass where we always used to sit when it was warm. Oh God, maybe Sarah’s right, maybe I do need to go somewhere else, shake myself up a bit. Then I remember London, and even though I liked the city, my job, and the friends I made, I ached every day to be back here, to be home.

‘It’s a shame they can’t sell it,’ I say. ‘The shop, I mean. It’s been in their family forever and his gran wanted to keep it that way.’ I shrug. ‘But she did love her books, and the library, and this village. I think she’d be okay with Flynn selling the shop if she knew it would be used for an extension so we could finally have the library that Oakwood needs.’ I swallow as it hits me that I’m not sure I want this to happen now. Not if it means Flynn leaving again.

‘I’m sure you’re right.’ Sarah perks up. ‘I’m sure she would approve of her family’s property being used to build a better library. And who knows, that might happen.’

Her eyebrows draw together, and she gets that look on her face that I’ve seen so many times, especially when we were teenagers, the one that always means trouble.

‘So, you really don’t think Flynn will stay?’ She watches me closely.

I shake my head.

She sinks back in her seat, eyes glinting. ‘Well, in that case, I have an idea.’

‘Of course you do.’ I throw my eyes up, and she huffs in mock indignation.

‘Just hear me out.’ She gives me her best serious lawyer face. ‘You don’t expect Flynn will stay in Oakwood for much longer. And you need to keep Jamie at bay until he gets on that plane to Australia. Or he gives up and accepts that he and Olivia deserve each other and he might as well give her that bloody ring and be done with it.’

I nod cautiously and her face lifts. I can see she’s only warming up, and there’s no point trying to halt Sarah when she’s on a roll, so I lean back and wait.

‘You and Flynn are getting along fine as friends, even though you clearly had one hell of a kiss.’ She cups her chin and gives me that shrewd look she gets. ‘Even though anyone with a pair of eyes in their head can see you’re both harbouring a crush.’

I shake my head desperately. ‘Flynn’s not crushing on me.’

Is he? My mind drifts back to our kiss. Could he?

Sarah ignores my protest and carries on.

‘So, why not make the most of that ginormous bed?’ She claps her hands together and her face lights with glee. ‘You’re both single, you’re both free, and you both seem to be on the same page about keeping it that way. But you clearly have chemistry. So why not shag it out of your systems and be done with it.’ She grins. ‘You just need a plan, a shag Flynn Anderson plan.’ She ignores my look of horror as my heart leaps from my chest and slams down on the floor.

She taps the table with her knuckles to drive home her point, then switches tack and smiles wistfully. ‘Think of it this way, it’ll be a sweet memory to look back on when you’re old and grey and still sending each other cards, like long-lost lovers from another century, or from one of those soppy movies you watch.’

She starts ticking the benefits off on her fingers, and I breathe deep and try to focus on those. And not the splintering cracks threatening to tear through the wall I’ve been building brick by brick around my heart.

‘You get your new library. You get to stay single, concentrate on you, and take the break you need before getting into another relationship. You get to stay friends with Flynn. And you hopefully get some decent sex as a bonus.’ Her eyes sparkle with excitement. ‘It’s all good. You get everything you need. And you have absolutely nothing to lose.’

My breathing steadies, and my worries ease a little, as Sarah beams hopeful vibes across the table. And I wonder if maybe she’s right. Maybe this is just a lingering crush that I need to get out of my system so Flynn and I can go back to being friends. And maybe if I do this the right way, if I’m careful and don’t mess things up, this plan could actually work.

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