Page 112 of Book Club Confidential

His face was redder than Devin’s, but she saw desperation in his eyes. He pressed one trembling hand against the island between them and pressed the opposite palm to his chest. It almost looked as if he couldn’t breathe.

“Oh God! Dad?” She ran to him, but it was too late.

He wobbled, stumbling as he lost consciousness.

Tessa wrapped her arms around him, then went to her knees, unable to bear his weight on her own. His arms splayed, and his feet lost their purchase. Together, they toppled into a heap on the kitchen floor.

“Devin!”

Two hours later, Tessa and Devin sat alone in the waiting room of the cardiac wing at Wells Memorial Hospital while their dad’s heart surgery progressed. According to the doctors, he’d had a heart attack. Apparently, he’d recently had a number of scans to confirm a partial blockage. Dizziness, nausea, increased fatigue, and shortness of breath led him to visit his primary care physician, who ordered the scans. The doctor reading the scans suggested surgery to insert a stent and open the artery. Dad had declined immediate intervention, saying he’d schedule the procedure in the New Year, after he retired.

“I can’t believe he didn’t tell me about this,” Tessa said, speaking more to herself than to Devin.

“He probably didn’t want to worry you,” Devin said. “At least your name is on all of his forms. We’re lucky the doctors were allowed to tell us what’s going on.”

Tessa kneaded her hands on her lap, wishing for something to do.

Kate and Hallie delivered iced coffees and snacks not long after Tessa let them know what happened. They stayed a short while but left when Devin grew more agitated and distant. They vowed to return the minute either sibling needed anything else.

“I can’t stop thinking I caused this,” Devin said. He sat wide legged in the chair beside Tessa’s, elbows on his knees, head in his hands. “I can’t imagine how hard it is for him to have me in the house again. I’ve been a train wreck nearly as long as he’s known me, and he just keeps taking me in.”

“He’s your dad,” Tessa said.

“I know plenty of guys whose folks told them never to come back,” Devin said. “But not him. Never him. He even took time off work to be with me. And he pushed you into helping me find a job.” Devin ran his joined hands over the top of his head, then scrubbed them down his face. “I invited him out to eat all the time, because I didn’t want him cooking for me every night like I’m a kid or a guest. And I was trying to make having me around more fun. The whole time, I was just making him sicker.” He heaved a sigh and let his eyes shut.

“This is not your fault,” Tessa said. “I’m the one who came over unannounced and started pointing fingers. I shouldn’t have gotten so upset. I never should’ve raised my voice or accused him of always taking your side.” Even if the words were true, she’d let her emotions get the best of her, and that wasn’t her intention. “And anyway, we didn’t know about his heart.”

Tessa curled forward on her seat. She couldn’t bear to lose her dad, and she was certain, if that happened, she’d lose her brother too. There wasn’t anything she could do to help either of them at the moment. She could barely manage to take her next breath without having a complete breakdown.

“You knew,” Devin said. “You brought all those groceries. You might not have known this was coming, but you knew something was wrong. You always know.”

“I didn’t know about you,” she croaked. “I was wrong for attacking you the way I did. You didn’t deserve it, and I’m sorry.”

“I deserve a lot more than that. After all I’ve put you and Dad through, it’s going to take a long time to repair the damage I’ve done. But I’ll be here to see it through.” Devin sniffled and rubbed his palms together roughly. “Man, I hate hospitals.”

Tessa set her hand on his hunched shoulder.

He’d lost his mom here, on another floor, in another wing. They’d said goodbye to her every day for months, not knowing if she’d still be there when they returned after school the next afternoon. Always fearing they’d get the call saying that she was gone. Until one day, they did.

“Dad had heartburn,” Devin said, turning his head to look in her direction. “A lot. He rubbed his chest all the time, and I didn’t think anything of it. I took him out for burgers.”

They sat in silence for a long while, tensing at the approach of anyone in scrubs, hoping for news. Praying the news would be good.

Devin rubbed his hands down the fabric of his jeans. “I need to walk. You have your phone?”

Tessa nodded.

“Call if you hear anything?”

Tessa blinked. “How far are you going?”

A visible tremor in his fingers caused a fresh spring of fear in Tessa’s heart. “I’ll come with you,” she said.

He gripped the back of his neck with one hand, shoving the other fist into his jeans’ pocket. “Nah. Stay here. Tell me if anyone comes.” He shot a pointed look at the passing set of women in white coats.

Tessa didn’t want to leave the waiting room, didn’t want to risk missing an update, but she also wouldn’t let her brother struggle alone. Wasn’t struggling alone exactly what he’d been doing until he’d asked to come home? “Where are you going?” she repeated.

“Chapel.” He shifted on anxious feet. “I can’t lose another parent. I’m going to ask for help.”