Page 112 of I Think I’m in Love with an Alien

“The one about twin stars?”

“Correct. It helped. I checked for new replies and enjoyed crafting my own. And when they locked that thread, you invited us all to download the chat program and join a real-time conversation. I needed that connection, more than you can possibly fathom.” Tam moves toward me, as if he might reach out with his long-fingered, strangely jointed hands.

Then he pauses. “I do have other options, even here. Obligation or loneliness wouldn’t impel me to share a home with you. While I do have concerns related to deceiving your family, I didn’t mean to infect you with my doubts.”

That rings true. If he’d offered over-the-top protestations of deathless devotion, I wouldn’t believe him since it would be so out of character. I don’t want loud proclamations; I’d rather have quiet actions over florid gestures.

“There’s no viral load for emotions,” I say, trying to joke.

Tam doesn’t laugh. “But you feel insecure due to my situation. What can I do to remedy your doubts?”

A different woman might lose herself in sex, but that’s not how my psyche works. Though I’m attracted to him, unlike the rest of the universe, I can’t lose myself in sex if I have unresolved feelings. It’s not an escape for me. Rather, it’s an extension of trust, moments to share because of the bond between us.

“Time will mend them,” I say. “One way or another.”

Because there is no other solution. I will either come to believe that he truly wants to be with me because of the way he behaves, day after day. Or the opposite will occur. I wish I could return to the days when I was simply overjoyed because he exists at all.

He puts away the beacon and says, “I won’t work on this if it upsets you.”

I shake my head. “You said it’s not because you want to leave. So you’re trying to surmount the challenge. Solve the puzzle.”

“That is it, precisely.” He sounds…relieved.

And that lightens the weight, somewhat easing the tightness in my chest. I can understand that motivation. To be fair, I also get why he’s worried about lying to my family long-term. But there’s nothing I can do about that. Glynnis would scream for days and then blab the secret to anyone who would listen. I ought to know; she tattled on me so many times growing up, over far more minor infractions.

“I came in to ask if you wanted to go for a walk. Get some fresh air.” We’re past the worst heat of summer and the weather is perfect.

“I would like that.”

Before we leave, he checks that Scotty and Spock have enough kibble in their dishes, a small kindness that makes me smile. That’s exactly what I meant by tiny gestures that mean the world to me. I step outside and breathe in the early autumn air, fresh and crisp like an apple. As Tam joins me, Nancy comes outside as well. When she spots me, she gives a cheery wave.

“Got big plans tonight?” she asks.

“Just going for a stroll.”

“Perfect night for it! I’m headed over to Mackey’s, maybe to play some pool.” She looks like she wants to say something else, but she doesn’t.

“Everything okay?”

She beckons me over and I shoot a confused look at Tam. “I’ll be right back.”

When I reach the small front stoop, Nancy whispers, “I’d invite you to go, but I’m not sure your boyfriend is old enough to drink. And I don’t want to put him on the spot.”

Oh my God.

Suddenly I understand Tam’s concerns. The tech camo has no control over what people see when they look at him. It’s random, based on brain waves. And in the future, we won’t be able to take family photos either. There will be excuses every holiday, reasons to avoid having him in the picture, and it will be so awkward. In their eyes, he’ll never be suitable, and I don’t know how to solve any of this.

“He’s much older than he looks,” I say, because Nancy is prying. Politely, of course.

Tam must look really young to her. My landlady thinks I’m robbing the cradle.

She gives a relieved little laugh. “Like Ralph Macchio! Have you seen him lately? It’s incredible to me that he’s in his sixties.”

I nod, distracted by my fresh perspective on our challenges. Before, I guess I just wanted to live in the honeymoon bubble and pretend these issues couldn’t touch us. Now I’m on the same page as Tam, and I entirely understand his concerns.

“He looks amazing,” I say, waving as I head back to my side of the duplex. To Tam, I say, “So Nancy was quietly trying to find out if you’re old enough to be living with me.”

“That is…inconvenient,” he says mildly.