Page 79 of Kiss Slay Replay

“You’ve made your point,” I say, snatching my phone back.

Paris. Tokyo. I’m not special to Danny. I will never be special to him. I hate that I want to be. I hate that it’s so hard to know if my feelings are genuine or if I’m just desperate for validation.

He’s not special. There are plenty of hot charmers out there addicted to attention and allergic to commitment, who get away with whatever and absolve themselves by being careful with their words. Plausible deniability. I bet he thinks he’s amazing in bed because he writes off any woman who tells him differently as being vindictive.

And still. Fucking still, there’s a part of me that wants to defend him, give him a chance. That hopes maybe this will turn out another way.

Isn’t that the definition of insanity? Doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results.

Isn’t that love?

“Stay away,” Evan says. “Or proceed at your own risk.”

“I can handle myself,” I whisper.

“Sure.”

I kick his leg.

“Ow!”

The ceremony proceeds. Steph walks down the aisle to “Love in This Club.” I space out during the vows, attempt to stifle a series of insistent yawns that draw Cassie’s ire. I watch Steph and Jace under the lattice awning, holding hands, gazing lovingly into each other’s eyes, and I adore them, but I cannot wait for this to be over. It’s dragging. Probably because I’ve already sat through this exact ceremony twice before. Probably because vows are boring to everyone not saying them.

I take a deep breath, turn away from the happy couple, and I notice I’m not the only one. There’s a distraction. Beyond the cocktail space, on the lakeshore in front of the woods.

The deer.

It’s wandered out from the trees, taking strange, skittish steps. I’ve never seen an animal move that way, so disjointed and ungraceful. It’s like someone spliced the footage funny, like the images are feeding into my brain wrong. The deer wades into the water, makes a sharp screeching noise, backs out onto the grass. It spins, revealing a gaping wound. Its entire side is gone, its insides exposed. White bones. Red guts. Black flies.

It’s happening, isn’t it? This is happening. Again.

I got caught up with Danny, with my emotions. I shut down. I deferred. I let the fear of ruining the day ruin the day. What’s the matter with me?

I tap Evan on the leg to get his attention.

“It’s a good thing I never liked venison,” he says.

“Shut up,” Cass whispers. “Focus on the ceremony.”

Evan takes out his phone and types, Why is she mad at us? She should be over there yelling at Tim Burton Bambi. This is why I think weddings should be inside nature is too unpredictable.

I take the phone and type, What’s wrong with it? Then I pass the phone to Wyatt.

He frowns. He looks worried. He grew up in the woods, camping and hiking and hunting and all that. A real outdoorsman. If he’s shaken, I’m shaken.

Steph and Jason kiss, unaware of the deer behind them stealing their thunder. There’s applause, the crowd temporarily shifting their attention back to the bride and groom.

Temporarily.

A set of grandparents spots the deer and promptly alerts the happy couple, interrupting their victorious walk up the aisle. Steph and Jace turn. Everyone turns. Whoever hadn’t seen it yet, they’re seeing it now.

It roams closer, shaking its head back and forth, back and forth, back and forth, back and forth. It’s frothing at the mouth.

“Wyatt. Can deer get rabies?” Let it be of this world. Please, let whatever it is be of this world.

“It’s not common,” he says. “But yes.”

The deer screeches again, louder this time. Loud enough to be heard over the musical couple playing a cover of some ballad I can’t place. The deer takes off running, zigzagging across the lawn toward the ceremony setup. Toward us.