Page 44 of So Thirsty

I’m thinking about Patsy Cline. Don’t worry about me, hoss. When it’s my time to go, it’s my time.

Is this it? Am I about to watch Naomi bleed out on the floor of this dirty lake house? What are these psychos going to do to me afterward? They’re not going to let me go, let me leave.

If I could accept any of this, maybe I’d be afraid. But it’s impossible to accept, so I’m not scared, just angry. Really, really angry. And tired. I’m so tired of fighting for a life that’s mind-numbingly dull when it’s not punching me in the face.

“I don’t care!” I say. “I don’t care what happens to me. Just do something. Call an ambulance!”

Henry stands, circles us. “You won’t leave her, and she can’t leave you. The decision needs to be made for both. And she will die if you do nothing.”

He’s so matter-of-fact about it. It’s brutal, and I’m tempted to tell him to fuck off just to spite him, but Naomi’s going cold in my hands.

“Fine! I’ll do it. Whatever you want. Anything. Just help her. Please.”

Elisa jumps up and down. “Oh, so exciting! New friends!”

“Finally,” Costel says.

Tatiana huffs. “You will see.”

“Good choice,” Henry says. He reaches up to his neck and pulls the chain out from under his sweater. At the end is something long and silver. It looks kind of like a whistle.

Whatever’s about to happen, I wish I didn’t have to be here for it. I rest my head on Naomi’s chest. “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t…” she says.

“Nay?”

“Don’t…forget to say I told you so.” She smiles, and there’s blood in her mouth, all over her teeth.

—

The men carry us outside. If I could walk, maybe I would run.

It’s probably for the best that I can’t, because it’s dark and we’re surrounded by woods, and who knows how far we are from the nearest house? I’d have to jump the fence, or the gate. Not freeze to death. I think about the Carolean Death March, all those bodies in the snow. Hundreds of soldiers frozen on the Tydal mountains, retreating from a war they couldn’t win.

Naomi was wrong. I’m not obsessed with tragedy. I’m obsessed with choice. How one decision can lead to catastrophe.

What if the Carolean general had decided to go a different route? Not travel through the mountains.

What if Buddy Holly had decided to tough it out on the tour bus, not charter that plane?

What if the engineers never ran that safety test at Chernobyl? What if the plant was never built in the first place?

What if I never fell off that curb sixteen years ago?

What if I never got into the car tonight?

I’m sure it’s cold out, but I feel nothing. Not even when Henry and Ilie drop us in the snow.

They form a circle around us. Ilie, Costel, Miri, and Tatiana are all still naked. Aren’t they cold?

What is their deal?

Elisa holds two cups. Wooden goblets.

At the sight of them, I turn to the side and get sick.

What are they doing with those?