Page 17 of Such Sharp Teeth

“I perhaps might go on a date with Ian,” I say. “A date, maybe. But I don’t do relationships. You both know this.”

“Still?” Ash says.

“I value my independence. I don’t have boyfriends. I have fun,” I say with a wink. I add a few sausage links to my plate. I stab one and begin to nibble on it. “This sausage is delicious, Ash. What is it?”

“Just the generic breakfast sausage,” she says. “How did this Ian thing come about? We love Ian.”

By “we” she means her and Seth. It makes me queasy, this “we.” This is why I’m forever single.

“This morning you acted like it was too much for me to come over. Now you’re ready to pay my dowry.”

“Sorry,” Ash says, clasping her hands together as if in desperate prayer. “I just love the idea of you two together. He’s coming to our Halloween party, you know. Or we invited him, anyway. He usually comes to our parties.”

“Great.”

I forgot about the impending Halloween party. A bunch of young suburban parents getting drunk from punch with rubber eyeballs in it. Should be a blast.

I look over at Scarlett and can tell she’s thinking the same thing. Worse, she’ll have to suffer through the party sober. Ash will expect us to be there.

At the very least, there will be good snacks. Ash is an exceptional host. I grab another piece of bacon.

“Do you have costumes yet?” she asks us.

Scarlett snorts.

“Girls. Come on! It’s gonna be fun!” Ash says. “I know you think you’re too cool for costumes, but you’re not.”

“That legit hurt my feelings,” I say, clutching my chest.

“Me, too,” Scarlett says. “Sincerely.”

“Oh! I meant to tell you. You’ll never guess who else is in town and definitely coming to the party.”

“Uh, Guy Fieri?” I ask. “The cast of Friends?”

Scarlett raises her hand. “Satan himself?”

“Mia Russo.”

“I was right!” Scarlett says. “What do I win?”

Ash shakes her head. “I thought you liked Mia! We were all friends. Right, Rory? You and Mia were close.”

“Sure. If you consider participating in a threesome close, yeah, we were close.”

“I forgot about that,” Scarlett says. “Now I need to forget again.”

Mia Russo was a late addition to the friend group. She hung out with us the latter half of high school. She was fun. Mischievous. Loud and reckless. Treated attention like magic coins in a video game. She’d chase it, get it wherever she could, soak in the super glow.

For a time, we really were close. Close enough it caused vague tension with Scarlett, who once told me she thought Mia was a bad influence. I suspected she was jealous. Or Mia suspected. I can’t remember.

“Scarlett always thought she was corrupting me,” I say, “but who’s to say I wasn’t the one corrupting her?”

“Was the senior prank your idea?” Scarlett asks.

“Oh, my God, the senior prank!” Ash giggles.

“Almost got you suspended. You would have lost your scholarship. Not that Mia cared. She barely graduated,” Scarlett says. “What’s she doing back here? I thought she was in California?”