Page 66 of How to Wed a Courtesan

Lottie looked back towards the door near the table.

‘Was that her room?’ Evander asked.

‘Hers and mine.’ Lottie’s gaze didn’t move from the door. ‘The other room was where Dina slept.’

Evander gently set the pictures back on the desk and led the way. The floorboards creaked under their feet as they walked, and Lottie’s hand tightened on his.

He waited for her to turn the knob, but she shook her head. ‘You. Please.’

He put his hand on the cool metal latch and pushed the door into the bedchamber.

The odour of camphor hung in the air, too sharp a scent to be dulled completely even by time. A small trundle bed lay beside a larger one.

‘I wanted to be there for her.’

The pinch of Lottie brows showed the pain she felt being in that room. Such memories were perhaps best left in her heart, and he would not intrude. He pulled the door closed and Lottie released a long exhale as though she had been holding her breath.

‘There is one final thing I would like to see...’ He didn’t finish his request aloud, but there was a resignation in Lottie’s eyes that told him she knew.

She led him back towards the front door, but before she opened it he asked her to wait and retrieved the paintings she’d done of Lily.

He hesitated. ‘If I may?’

Lottie nodded, and he returned to her side with the most precious treasure he’d ever held cradled in his palms. He left those beautiful portraits in the carriage, tucked in a small drawer beneath his seat for safekeeping, and then Lottie guided him towards the woods.

They walked for several minutes in silence, their hands clasped together as the clicks and pops of nature mingled with the chirping song of various birds.

Evander considered Lottie as they walked, seeing her in a new light. Not only as a confident, sure woman who had done what was needed to survive in his absence, but as a mother—a woman who had gone through great sacrifice for the wellbeing of her child.

What was more, despite what he had subjected Lottie to, she did not hate him. Even now, even with everything she’d been through, her heart was so pure that she could not hate him.

Tears pricked his eyes and he was filled with revered awe at this woman Lottie had become, and at the beautiful little girl she had raised with love despite her dire circumstances.

The forest opened up into a small clearing with a stream flowing beside it. There, at the top of a small hill, was a statue of an angel, the words on the marker indistinguishable from their distance.

But Evander didn’t need to read them to know that the grave belonged to their Lily.

Chapter Twenty

Evander led the way to the marble statue. Initially he’d thought it a likeness of their daughter, but up close he saw that the angel was older, with longer hair. With proximity, he could make out the words on the marker.

Lily Rose Murray

January 19th 1811—June 16th 1813

Lottie clung to him—not only to his hand, but also his arm, as if he was all that kept her upright. They stayed there for a long while, not saying anything, each lost in their own thoughts for the child that had been ripped away from them. Lottie with her old memories and Evander with the memories she’d given him by way of her words and the pictures she’d painted.

Behind the grave, the sun began to set. It was a ball of glowing orange, sinking into a pillow of clouds and casting rays of purple, orange and pink through the sky.

‘I’ve never seen the statue before.’ Lottie looked up, studying the marble angel with obvious consideration.

‘You haven’t?’

She shook her head. ‘I couldn’t bear to. I had Sarah come and oversee its placement.’ Her gaze lowered to grass. ‘I never said my farewells to Lily either.’

Evander put his arm around her shoulders again and her weight sagged against him.

‘I was here, yes. But I was...’ She shook her head, as though she couldn’t find the words she was looking for. ‘I... I was in such a state. My heart had been ripped from my chest and my mind stopped without its familiar beat. Perhaps that’s why I didn’t come here. Because if I didn’t face it, I didn’t have to accept it.’ Her voice caught.