Page 109 of Hellbent

“It’s such a big world,” she said. “And I don’t want it to just be this.”

“What?”

“My life. My whole life. Kept here, kept there, always hiding. There’s so much out there. So much I’m missing out on.”

Evan thought of the burnt-red chenille throw draping the arm of Mia’s couch.

“Yeah,” he said. “There is.”

Joey put the card into its envelope, slipped it into her shoe box, and set the lid back in place.

“Sorry I’m such an asshole sometimes,” she said. “My maunt used to say, ‘Tiene dos trabajos. Enojarse y contentarse.’ It doesn’t really translate right.”

Evan said, “‘You have two jobs. Getting angry. And getting not angry again.’”

“Something like that, yeah.”

He said, “You were close to her.”

Joey finally looked up and met his stare. “She was everything.”

It was, Evan realized, the longest they had ever held eye contact.

Joey finally slid off the couch. “I have to brush my teeth,” she said.

She lifted the shoe box from the sheets. As she passed, she let it drop to the floor beside him.

A show of trust.

She entered the bathroom, closed the door. He heard water running.

He waited a moment and then lifted the lid. A row of greeting cards filled the shoe box from end to end. He ran his thumb across the tops of the cards. The front two-thirds had been opened. The rear third had not.

And then he understood.

He felt his chest swell, slight pressure beneath his cheeks, emotion coming to roost in his body.

He used his knuckles to push back the stack so he could lift out the first card. Flocked gold lettering read:

It’s your ninth birthday

A most happy day

A time to sing

And a time to play …

He opened the card, ignoring the rest of the printed greeting. An iris was pressed inside, already gone to pieces. Familiar feminine handwriting filled the blank page.

My sweet, sweet girl,

The first one without me will be the hardest. I’m sorry I’m not there with you. I’m sorry I got sick. I’m sorry I wasn’t strong enough to beat it. Let my love for you be like a sun that warms you from above.

Forever and always, M.

Evan put the card back. He flicked through the ones behind it.

New Year’s. Valentine’s. Easter. Birthday. First day of school. Halloween. Thanksgiving. Christmas.